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11 days clean of SH

Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
961
Location
Netherlands
I'm proud of myself. Although it's a bit easier to do on vacation than at home. Here, there is no stress, no deadlines and no pressure. But still I didn't do it.

Have to say that today was a bit harder. This night I had multiple bad dreams. When I woke up I felt like the last time. My energie for life was gone.. I felt so depressed. Didn't want to go any where..

I'm happy that I talked to my husband last week. About me feeling alone, anxiouse and depressed. A good talk. One we didn't had in a wile. So he talked me out of bed today.

Today was my first thought of SH again. So it's still there.. but it's much more quite..

Saw in de boot a sort part of an horror movie. I had to throw up. So much people that died horrible. I couldn't watch it. Instead I watcht big bang theorie. I love that so much.

Now I am in Thailand I have 5,5 weeks to go. I feel like staying but also me wanting to go home.

Vacation pro:
- No stress
- relaxation
- adventure

Con:
- Missing my mom and dad
- missing my bed and house
- missing my bbf

Home con:

- a lot of stress
- anxiety
- Alone a lot
 
J

Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,790
Location
Florida
Sure hope your vacation will keep things alright for you. I have self harmed-do not know why I stopped-could be the medications. I am going on vacation this weekend you give me hope that I will be okay. Lots of hugs and love
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
961
Location
Netherlands
Sure hope your vacation will keep things alright for you. I have self harmed-do not know why I stopped-could be the medications. I am going on vacation this weekend you give me hope that I will be okay. Lots of hugs and love
You will be okay! You can do this. Strong together okay? Keep me posted.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
961
Location
Netherlands
Feeling anxious, getting panic attacks..
Can't sleep..

Saw a horror movie today (not my choice, was on a boat trip) and now I see the pictures in front of me when I close my eyes..

Also are curtains show a lot of light and when someone passes I see there shadow and it creaps me out.

5 minutes ago a man did his mb flashlight on for are window.. I fk scard... I think he got lost because all the houses here look the same but I don't feel save anymore. And can't close my eyes 😭

Last night I had only bad dreams.. I'm so tired.. my head is spinning and my eyes hurting.. I want to wake up my husband but he was also tired and I don't want to scare him..
 
simonr1978

simonr1978

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 22, 2018
Messages
270
You're doing great, just keep going. Every mile is just a step closer.
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
2,885
That's great, you should feel really proud xx
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
961
Location
Netherlands
It feels good to hear someone say they are proud of me. Dont hear that a lot 🙄

This night was horrible.. at 3 in the middle of the night a dog was on are doorstepp. His tail was swinging against the glass. I was so scard..

I took 5 pills and did end up falling asleep.
Feel really tired now
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
961
Location
Netherlands
Still clean.. 17 days. Feel horrible today. I don't know why.. want to self harm.. but also don't want to.

The last injuries did leave nasty scars.. feel pretty bad about it. Before I never regretted harming myself but now I am.. feel so stupid 😭
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
961
Location
Netherlands
Urge to SH is really strong..
Feeling so down.. like nothing matters..
Just want to stay in bed.. (what i did this day).
Because I couldn't come out of bed..

Feel alone and nobody that understands. Even if they try really hard.. miss my mom and dad. Wish they where here
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
961
Location
Netherlands
Hun, the feeling WILL pass - find a way to distract yourself.

You've done so well - you are SO STRONG

It will pass :hug:
I fell asleep, but woke up with the same thoughts 🥺😣😔

Just want to sleep for a really long time
 
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