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10,000 Emotions at Once

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EstherRose94

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Joined
Mar 2, 2019
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1,622
Location
USA
Today is weird. I’m angry and antsy but I was so calm and proud of myself like an hour ago.

I get super mad because I feel like I have zero control.

But everyone in my life is like “calm down stop freaking out and just agree with me”.

It’s so frustrating. Actually I think I got triggered by this episode of Supernanny where the mom was a perfectionist who picked her kids clothes and did their hair how she wanted it. Ugh my mom always did that. Even as a teenager she’d act all hurt if I didn’t want her to do my hair for school so I always let her.

My mom is awesome and I love her but now I’m in a relationship where my bf is similarly particular and stubborn. I adore letting someone else make decisions until I get furious.

The three of us almost got in an argument over the weekend bc they both disagreed with my opinion and instead of being like “oh really? I think...” they were like “no, it’s this ...”.

I was like what the actual heck.

My mom admitted she went overboard and apologized and laughed it off. She’s really loosened up the past several years and I’m proud of her.

My bf was quiet and I think he thought I overreacted when I know I didn’t. I DESERVE AN OPINION AND AN OUNCE OF AUTOMONY.
 
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EstherRose94

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Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,622
Location
USA
Sorry guys. Update: my dad visited and it was grounding/ centering.

I feel better. I wasn’t really mad at anyone I guess.

Id like to know where that feeling of anger is coming from though.
 
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Girl interupted

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Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,258
Esther you’ve never said. Are you currently in therapy? This is exactly the type of thing where it would help you identify and sort out everything. This type of unravelling is part of the therapy process and helps you to understand and progress. Instead of feeling stagnated and trapped.
 
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Girl interupted

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Nov 17, 2018
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Sorry, to be clear, I’m not saying don’t post about what you are feeling. Rather that what you describe is something a therapist can help you with.
 
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EstherRose94

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Mar 2, 2019
Messages
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Location
USA
No worries I understand 😊. Yes I have been since last fall. It’s helped quite a bit. I think sometimes I expect to be 100% content and happy all the time when that’s not realistic. I’ve never focused on my mental health so much. Just pushed aside stress and anxiety to focus on academics. It eventually didn’t work lol. This is kinda new ground for me. I have to be patient and feel less productive and less stable because this isn’t like taking a course and passing the test.

I also live alone for the first time. When I go awhile without interacting with my family or other people who know me well it’s like start to lose my sense of self and get down and kindof freaked out. It’s weird.
 
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Girl interupted

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I’m very proud of you for taking care of you. Xo
 
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EstherRose94

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Mar 2, 2019
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USA
Thanks. It’s been educational to say the least lol. I’ve learned a lot about myself that I am ultimately glad I’m learning now before I have a family of my own.

It’s kinda ironic because I’m in grad school and school has been the easiest part lol. Isn’t earning a degree supposed to be more difficult than just being a well balanced human?
 
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EstherRose94

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Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,622
Location
USA
Not to mention there’s that stereotype that I feel like I should be working on my research every waking moment and it’s weird to leave and go to therapy.

It’s been like a bootcamp of emotional wellness and self-understanding the past couple years, which I really think I needed but I’m also like okay great like now I have to also graduate, let’s squeeze that in.
 
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