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“What if I’m a boy” the thought has come back again

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Becca_galla

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Jun 10, 2021
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Australia
Hi, I’ve posted about this before just wanted to share how I’m feeling.

I’m an 18 year old girl, I’ve struggled for the past year and a half with the thought “what if I’m a boy”

I’ve managed to make the thought go away for a while but today it’s come back and I can’t stop obsessing over it.
I just keep playing the thought over and over again in my head but it just doesn’t go away.

It makes me feel depressed and down, it makes me feel like I have no energy and all I do when I think this thought over and over again is stay in my room and try to go to sleep. I can’t do anything or think about anything else but this thought.

I try to accept the thought but it’s so draining. It just plays on a loop in my head “what if I’m a boy” “what if I’m a boy” “what if I’m a boy”
I know I’m not a boy but the thought plays in my head anyways.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions?
Thank you.
 
F

fragrant_violet

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Don't fight the thought. You know it's not true. I'd try and learn meditation. Youtube a good place to start.

The more you try to fight an intrusive thought the worse it gets. By accepting it without judgment it will eventually blend into the background.
 
B

Becca_galla

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Jun 10, 2021
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Location
Australia
Don't fight the thought. You know it's not true. I'd try and learn meditation. Youtube a good place to start.

The more you try to fight an intrusive thought the worse it gets. By accepting it without judgment it will eventually blend into the background.
Okay thanks so much.
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

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Hey :) I wonder, what is the answer to that question? Sometimes a question goes around in our mind because it's unresolved. What does it mean to be a boy to you? x
 
B

Becca_galla

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Hey :) I wonder, what is the answer to that question? Sometimes a question goes around in our mind because it's unresolved. What does it mean to be a boy to you? x
Hi, well I know I’m not a boy but the thought still plays in my head on a loop, I don’t know the answer to the question, I don’t really know what being a boy is to me.
 
F

fragrant_violet

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Its a typical intrusive thought which has no meaning. No different from 'What if I'm a vampire'. You know you arent. Thinking you are does not change the reality.

My sister has an OCD about knives. The ones she uses are all blunt so I have to bring my own if I cook for her. I told her they cant jump out if a drawer and stab her.
 
B

Becca_galla

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Jun 10, 2021
Messages
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Location
Australia
Its a typical intrusive thought which has no meaning. No different from 'What if I'm a vampire'. You know you arent. Thinking you are does not change the reality.

My sister has an OCD about knives. The ones she uses are all blunt so I have to bring my own if I cook for her. I told her they cant jump out if a drawer and stab her.
Okay thanks so much, this helped, it can get really draining and talking on here really helps!
 
F

fragrant_violet

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Here are some easy guided meditations

www.freemindfulness. org

I'd start with the 5 minute tree frog one. The narrator is a student same age as you. Just lie on your back and try to relax as much as you can
 
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fragrant_violet

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Another good technique for dealing with silly thoughts is to mock them

So you could answer your own question
e.g. if I was a boy.... I'd join the boy scouts
.... I'd ask myself out

Or make up a silly poem/limerick
e.g. There was a young girl named Molloy
Who kept thinking that she was a boy
etc
 
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fragrant_violet

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Im a crap poet but here goes

There was a young lady called Troy
Who kept thinking that she was a boy
She joined the boy scouts
Who soon found her outs
Now being just a gal brings such joy

You could make up a song too
 
J

Jlala

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Jul 22, 2021
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Sussex
I don’t know whether this is useful to share, but have you looked up trans ocd? It may be that your experiences align with what people describe that as being like?

I am a 30 y/o trans man who started transitioning a few years ago and get obsessive thoughts about the opposite.. Ie. What if I am a girl? What if I’m not really trans and just making it all up.

Once I read about TOCD it really helped me see these thoughts as obsessions rather than things to be concerned about. It’s tricky though, because these obsessions demand certainty and no one can give that to us about our own identities.
 
J

Jlala

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** sorry just seen your other thread.

I just also wanted to add that gender is such a tricky thing to grasp and pin down so it’s understandable ocd could latch on to this.

Trans people with TOCD from my understanding, tend to get it the other way around, worrying we are actually not trans and have it all wrong! Mine has recently latched on to the idea that I might regret my upcoming surgery (which feels similar to my obsession about regretting hormones when I started a few years ago. The obsession vanished once I did).

It’s just important to raise in any talking therapy that you think it is ocd, rather than genuine doubt (if that is true to your experience).
 
A Fancy Carp

A Fancy Carp

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Hi, well I know I’m not a boy but the thought still plays in my head on a loop, I don’t know the answer to the question, I don’t really know what being a boy is to me.
Speaking as someone who definitely looks like a boy (I have a mustache and I'm 6'4"), but has kind of a feminine personality and is super skinny, but also doesn't identify as a girl, you could start by trying to classify boys as a type of thing. How do you know a boy when you see one? What makes a boy a distinct entity?

Additionally, when you say that you feel like a boy, do you mean mentally or physically? Are you uncomfortable because of how you perceive yourself or because of how you think that other people perceive you?

For me, gender identity doesn't matter that much to me in terms of feeling comfortable with myself. I have a mustache, but I also shave my legs and I have long hair. I was told that I wasn't manly enough when someone turned me down for a date, once, so it definitely matters to other people.

Don't know if any of this helps.
 
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