- Mar 10, 2019
- New York
I usually have a good outlook on things. I try my best to stay positive and over the past 2 decades I’ve learned some good coping mechanisms. However this past week has not been the best. I live with chronic pain from having a very bad back. I’ve been in the care of a pain specialist since 2012. Besides medication I’ve had a lot of minor procedures done short of having surgery which I’m deathly afraid of. The past 2 weeks have been terrible. I can barely function. I have anxiety attacks when I want to shower because of fear of falling and no one around to help me so I’ve been taking “bird baths”. The little energy I had gets sucked up doing this so I have to get back into the bed. Then I’m not sleeping because the pain won’t let me have more than 3 hrs at a time. I’ve rescheduled 2 doctor appointments because of it. The depression is slowly but steadily creeping it’s way in and I’m finding it harder everyday to keep it out. I’m not feeling motivated. I didn’t even notice that I was withdrawing from people in my personal life until a good friend of mine asked me did they do something wrong because I have been avoiding her calls which that’s not the case. I feel like I’m in a fog. I can’t concentrate, I put the tv on but I just blankly stare at it. I’m truly feeling defeated. I’m not sure if anyone else here suffers from chronic pain and even if you don’t I would really appreciate some words of encouragement and any ideas to help me NOT to fall deeper into the black hole of depression are greatly welcomed. Sorry if this post is all over the place I may be rapid cycling.