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“Something Wicked This Way Comes”.

Hellakat

Hellakat

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 10, 2019
Messages
49
Location
New York
I usually have a good outlook on things. I try my best to stay positive and over the past 2 decades I’ve learned some good coping mechanisms. However this past week has not been the best. I live with chronic pain from having a very bad back. I’ve been in the care of a pain specialist since 2012. Besides medication I’ve had a lot of minor procedures done short of having surgery which I’m deathly afraid of. The past 2 weeks have been terrible. I can barely function. I have anxiety attacks when I want to shower because of fear of falling and no one around to help me so I’ve been taking “bird baths”. The little energy I had gets sucked up doing this so I have to get back into the bed. Then I’m not sleeping because the pain won’t let me have more than 3 hrs at a time. I’ve rescheduled 2 doctor appointments because of it. The depression is slowly but steadily creeping it’s way in and I’m finding it harder everyday to keep it out. I’m not feeling motivated. I didn’t even notice that I was withdrawing from people in my personal life until a good friend of mine asked me did they do something wrong because I have been avoiding her calls which that’s not the case. I feel like I’m in a fog. I can’t concentrate, I put the tv on but I just blankly stare at it. I’m truly feeling defeated. I’m not sure if anyone else here suffers from chronic pain and even if you don’t I would really appreciate some words of encouragement and any ideas to help me NOT to fall deeper into the black hole of depression are greatly welcomed. Sorry if this post is all over the place I may be rapid cycling.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
Hi hellakat. I'm so sorry to read of your chronic back pain. I have chronic intermittent sciatica pain and can relate to you totally. I've had lots of back procedures too. Trouble sleeping. I use to do more and use ice packs but now I basically live a life of avoidance; I avoid sitting mostly. Going for walks seems to be the best exercise.

I don't have any special words to help you. I have a spiritual foundation that helps me and I do live with someone so that helps immensely. Maybe it helps to note that there have been times when the pain was impossible to manage and then there have been times it has been better.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
I don't have any special words to help you. I have a spiritual foundation that helps me and I do live with someone so that helps immensely. Maybe it helps to note that there have been times when the pain was impossible to manage and then there have been times it has been better.

I have anxiety attacks when I'm out in public and cannot manage the situation; too much standing or sitting required. I refer to myself as partially disabled and call ahead of time to make special arrangements at appointments. I had a panic attack at a dental office once because the chairs were hard instead of soft and I couldn't problem solve to figure out I had pillows in the car.

I am also anxious about the shower. So I got a little plastic stool to sit on so I won't fall over trying to wash my hair. The shower head is a hose.
 
M

Miller77

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2019
Messages
45
Location
somewhere
Just ride the storm, at the end of the day that's all any of us do!
 
Hellakat

Hellakat

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 10, 2019
Messages
49
Location
New York
Nice to meet you. Omg!!! Exactly. The pain gets so bad that it cripples you from just doing the slightest of task. That’s nice that you have a spiritual group. I can try to find one being that I’m also spiritual. I want so badly to walk but it’s just to much for me right now but thank you for your feedback. Look at that and you thought you didn’t have any special words to help. You just did.🤗
 
Hellakat

Hellakat

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 10, 2019
Messages
49
Location
New York
I’m trying Miller, believe me I’m trying
 
M

Miller77

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2019
Messages
45
Location
somewhere
I usually have a good outlook on things. I try my best to stay positive and over the past 2 decades I’ve learned some good coping mechanisms. However this past week has not been the best. I live with chronic pain from having a very bad back. I’ve been in the care of a pain specialist since 2012. Besides medication I’ve had a lot of minor procedures done short of having surgery which I’m deathly afraid of. The past 2 weeks have been terrible. I can barely function. I have anxiety attacks when I want to shower because of fear of falling and no one around to help me so I’ve been taking “bird baths”. The little energy I had gets sucked up doing this so I have to get back into the bed. Then I’m not sleeping because the pain won’t let me have more than 3 hrs at a time. I’ve rescheduled 2 doctor appointments because of it. The depression is slowly but steadily creeping it’s way in and I’m finding it harder everyday to keep it out. I’m not feeling motivated. I didn’t even notice that I was withdrawing from people in my personal life until a good friend of mine asked me did they do something wrong because I have been avoiding her calls which that’s not the case. I feel like I’m in a fog. I can’t concentrate, I put the tv on but I just blankly stare at it. I’m truly feeling defeated. I’m not sure if anyone else here suffers from chronic pain and even if you don’t I would really appreciate some words of encouragement and any ideas to help me NOT to fall deeper into the black hole of depression are greatly welcomed. Sorry if this post is all over the place I may be rapid cycling.
Hello Hellakat, May I take a liberty and suggest that the very fact that you have so eloquently depicted what's going on in your own life view, shows you're already halfway there, this is not a sign of madness or delusion, But an indicator that you already KNOW!( whats best for you) this is a sign of emotional intelligence a sign please listen to it. At the end of the day, IT IS WHAT IT IS and is no more, and no less.
 
Hellakat

Hellakat

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 10, 2019
Messages
49
Location
New York
Thank you very much. I really appreciate that Miller and your right. I just have to want it which I very badly do. Today I actually woke up and opened all of the curtains it being a very nice sunny day. I dawned on some clothes and walked to McDonald’s for a cup of coffee it’s literally at the end of my block. It’s was excruciating but it did feel really good and reminded me that life is short and I have come a long way. I just have to keep trying to make lemonade out of my sour lemon. Hood vibes. Thank you again.
 
Hellakat

Hellakat

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 10, 2019
Messages
49
Location
New York
Thank you so much midnightphoenix. It’s just about midnight here in the states and tru to form I fell asleep around 9pm and of course I hit my 3 hr sleep marker. Pain woke me up. I just smoked a little that helps. The funny thing about that is since 2014 my doctors have suggested that I take part in the marijuana program and I resisted because I didn’t understand. So finally last year I was rear ended which re-injured my previous injury as well as cause new ones so I finally gave in and was approved for the program. All I can say is I could kick myself for waiting so long. So now I’ll be up for a half hour before I drift away into my next 3 hours of sleep.
 
Hellakat

Hellakat

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 10, 2019
Messages
49
Location
New York
Well after another night of broken sleep I woke up in pain but nothing that’s crippling me. I have to finish painting this little room in my house that was started a year ago and hasn’t been touched since. Pathetic I know. I want to finish it but I can only do a little at a time. Between my moods and my pain even just mentioning now my anxiety is starting to raise. I’m not sure what to do. Honestly I wish I had extra money I could’ve just hired someone. My roommate is useless so it’s no point to ask him for help. At the rate I’m going the room won’t be ready for another year😕.
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
3,205
Location
UK
You're far more important than four walls, Hellakat.:hug:

Perhaps allocate an hour a day to the job, and no more.

One hour - then shut the door.

The room will likely be finished within a week - you'll get the sense of progress without
exhausting yourself and flaring up pain.

My bathroom is stripped and awaiting plaster and a paintbrush...

and it can keep waiting......:D...today is a day of rest. xx
 
Hellakat

Hellakat

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 10, 2019
Messages
49
Location
New York
That was funny Lunar. Thank you for that and you’re right. If it waited that long what’s a few more hours. Thank you again :)
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
3,205
Location
UK
That was funny Lunar. Thank you for that and you’re right. If it waited that long what’s a few more hours. Thank you again :)
Sometimes we put ourselves under too much stress....if Great Aunt Petunia was coming to stay tomorrow, then there would be urgency :)

I've moved away from perfectionism, Hellakat...used to kill myself trying to make everything perfect. Now, I break things down into bite-sized chunks so I don't get exhausted. Literally set an alarm and give things an hour every day so it all ticks over and gets done. Sometimes, we procrastinate more waiting for that one day of high energy to blitz through a chore...and end up exhausted and in pain.

The one hour rule works for me :D

:hug:
 
Hellakat

Hellakat

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 10, 2019
Messages
49
Location
New York
So true and I’m trying to work my way out of the perfectionist thing. I’m going to take a page out of your page and work on whatever task I have going on a hour at a time. Hey Rome wasn’t built in a day.
 
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