“Family” social event making me freak out

PinkCandyFloss

PinkCandyFloss

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I’m off to a huge family BBQ with my future in laws today, and I mean huge there is like 30 odd of them all in. They are lovely people but my anxiety can NOT handle it one bit. It doesn’t help a fair few of them are softly spoken so my with hearing problems I can’t hear right. People never believe I have ear issues and think I’m just being rude which increases the anxiety.
I actually feel like I may throw up. But if I don’t go it’ll be a disappointment to everyone as they haven’t seen us since we got engaged. In fact most only see me about once year as that’s all I can handle

Fiancé says he doesn’t care if I go or not, but if I don’t go they’ll never give over about it to him. If I do go, I have to listen to twenty million versions of “So when are you going back to work, you stopped over a year ago? Surely your back is better now?” Cuz for some reason he won’t tell them I have fibromyalgia not just a sore back....that I have chronic pain, anxiety, depression and more
 
daffy

daffy

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If you can give it a try. Ask your fiancé to stay near you so you have support. You can always leave early if it’s gets too much. But I’m sure you’ll feel proud of yourself for going. Yes and fibromyalgia sucks so why don’t you tell them. They may be more understanding than you think
 
PinkCandyFloss

PinkCandyFloss

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Can’t leave early, it’s quite a bit away from our house and future mother and brother in law are giving us a lift. So we can only leave when they leave.
I do ask him to stay with me, but he always ends up running off with the kids or to do something and leaves me alone with members of his family and it makes me have a complete anxiety attack.

Doesn’t help that some of the kids can be a handful and I don’t know how to deal with them. I also can’t remember all their names which looks bad :(

I’m completely open about my fibromyalgia, I’ve written blogs about it and talk openly about it. Heck his mum has it, but he’s always funny telling the rest of his family no matter how much he says he doesn’t. If he was open and told them, they would know rather than think I’ve just a sore back...
 
PinkCandyFloss

PinkCandyFloss

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And he’s left me on my own already. Apologies I may use this thread to vent and try keep myself calm
 
daffy

daffy

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Have you been taught breathing techniques

Breathe in for the count of four
Hold for the count of five
Breathe out for the count of six
Always breathe out for longer than you breathe in

It really does help to calm anxiety. Hope your ok for the rest of the BBQ
 
PinkCandyFloss

PinkCandyFloss

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Breathing exercises don’t work right for me as I’ve sinus issues as well. :(
 
SunnyDaze

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I'm sorry you're struggling so much with this,I understand though,completely.

Have you ever tried being an "observer" of everyone?Notice what people are wearing,how their hair is,the way they speak,the way they walk.Keep track of how many times anyone says a specific word.Focusing on them will help take your mind off what you're feeling right now.

Go get a paper bag,carry it with you where it won't be seen.Tell yourself if you start feeling too anxious you can always go in the restroom and breathe into the paper bag.Or if you have anxiety medication,tell yourself if it gets to bad you can always take one.You need to reassure yourself that you will be alright.

Imagine a safe place in your mind,something calm and serene.I use a beach imagery,I imagine walking on the beach,what the sand feels like under my feet,what the seagulls sound like,how it smells,etc.It's hard to do when having major anxiety but it's do-able.

Do you think maybe you need to have a talk with your fiance' once this is over with?It's so not very cool or nice of him to just leave you on your own if he knows you struggle like you do.He needs to be there for you.If he's not now,will he be once you're married?
 
PinkCandyFloss

PinkCandyFloss

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The kids are having a water fight including his, I’m hiding trying not to get wet but they still trying to soak me (including the adults)
 
Urban Hermit

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I dislike the forced family events thing.... So you have my empathy X

Is there somewhere inside you can go and maybe just talk to an older person so you still appear to be social but your not in the heart of the gathering ... ?

X
 
PinkCandyFloss

PinkCandyFloss

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I hid in the garage as much as I could so was only with future mother in law. There was no where else with less people. I think we heading soon
 
PinkCandyFloss

PinkCandyFloss

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Home, feeling exhausted and I’ve a pressure headache and jawache from the bruxism. But it’s over, I appreciate you guys being with me so much! Means the world and helped
 

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