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    Thread: Library of motivations

    1. #1111
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      Default Another day

      What to write about today
      As I sit here on my chair
      My mood is neutral
      And my demeanour wishes to be useful

      Yesterday had brilliant blue skies
      So much so you had to shield your eyes
      This morning it is clearly grey
      The forecast says rain will come to play

      I have problems I should address
      But I can still make time for me to rest
      For the past three months I have decorated throughout
      But the lack of paid work for me will will not rest

      Still I keep looking online
      They say thousands of jobs are there at any time
      But when you narrow it down to what you can do
      There seem to disappear like the morning dew

      I take a walk where the factories are
      Some have adverts by their door
      Negative results so I change my tack
      And send them my CV, well it is a start at last

      So until I hear or see something I can do
      I shall continue to write these odes to you
      But maybe describe the flowers in the town
      And how they change people to smile and not frown

      Hanging baskets adorn the street
      Planted displays are for me a treat
      There is one of a huge flowering wall
      That I think is the best of all

      Positive trains of thought
      Going for a walk does not hurt
      Attacking problems but not letting them fret you
      This is what I am going to do

      Soon another day will pass me by
      One of which I will leave a smile
      But there is one thing I would love to do
      A job where I can help us all to get through

    2. #1112
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      Default just another day?

      I wonder where my mind will take me today
      On a trip maybe, on some exotic holiday
      Maybe just a walk around the town and gardens
      And see the exotic colours that surround me

      The 'tele' this morning gave out advice
      To reduce the chance of dementia in later life
      Keep active in body and soul
      Socialise more has to be part of your goal

      But still I like to be on my own
      On the periphery and not as the life and soul
      I like to watch and listen to how people inter-react
      I have no envy, I'm just not like that

      There are things I would like to do
      In a group so I could learn more too
      But to socialise in its purest of form
      I shun for I value being on my own

      The downside is depression and anxiety
      Keeping them in check is no formality
      But I am sure that I can do more to intertwine with others
      If only my confidence would give me a boost to go forwards

      So I surround myself with books
      Let them take me to places I love
      Then placing fictitious characters alongside myself
      Making an imaginary world all to myself

      Today my mind is full of ideas
      So alone I'll not be and I have no fears
      For fear is just an emotion that has not been resolved
      Today is a day where I shall be bold

    3. #1113
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      Default Circle of (my) life

      I wander lonely as a cloud
      Now I wonder when I'll be found
      For my mind fleeting goes rushing on
      Nothing seems to stay for so long

      Anxiety raises its ugly head
      laughingly knowing its a place I dread
      For this state of mind stays for some time
      Like a massive storm within your mind

      Drink doesn't help, it seems to centre the storm
      Right over my head, for days I'll be forlorn
      Then a tiredness gets into your very being
      To then exasperate your every feeling

      Still I pop the prescribed medication
      I try to exercise my bodily being
      Reading sometimes helps to quell my mind
      Maybe I should say divert being more truer kind

      Still trying to find a job
      Getting frustrated as my confidence falls as I go along
      For I want to work but right now only part time
      Full time would be too much for my current state of mind

      Historically for me everything has worked out
      And I get along without much support being about
      This amplifies my feeling of isolation
      Now do I really need those people being around

      I wonder what the ''professionals'' would make of me
      If they could read the words I write belatedly
      I have never thought myself as ''mentally ill'
      Thereby lies a problem maybe, or am I right in this feeling?

      I suppose because I'm not trying to end it all
      Nor screaming about wanting it all
      I don't even bother now the doctors I see
      And in turn they just prescribe and not bother me

      A part time job, and integrate again
      This is my target, and I must win
      For it will do no good to remain in the condition I'm in
      It seems my rudder is stuck and keeps me in this circle I dream

    4. #1114
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      Default

      The weather outside is dull and grey
      My mind is not on that wavelength today
      I feel creative and want to shine
      And not be pigeon-holed as 'strange' some of the time

      This morning I intend to write
      Change the outlook to be once again bright
      Bring back colour in all I see and do
      And tonight in the band the music will come too

      Listening out all I can hear is mechanical sounds
      Occasionally words as people chat out loud
      This morning though I have yet to see
      People walking spritely and being happy just to 'be'

      Maybe its time now for a more creative art
      Time to draw and paint instead of just a mindful art
      For now I see colours and within many shades
      All sorts of shapes seem to explode before me all over the place

      I miss right now the sounds of birds
      The wind as within the trees sings a verse
      Rustling whilst walking in a field of grass
      The natural sounds that are mother earth

      I listen to those whose sense of smell and taste
      Seem to take them to another place
      How good would it be if all the senses could combine
      I wonder where then that would take the mind

    5. #1115
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      Default School holidays brings it own challenges

      I like to just sit and think
      About what really makes me 'tick'
      Then I like to observe all that's around
      Just to see where my mind leads me to this time

      Sometimes its people and the things they do and say
      More usually its all in nature when its out to play
      But on a cold and rainy day like today
      Looking out of the window its not a game easy to play

      A chill is passing through my body right now
      The temperature though is 20 degrees it says
      August as well the calender shows
      A jumper I think, I am getting old

      I would prefer to listen to music
      Read a book and just curl up
      Alas this is not to be
      An 8 year old grandchild will be wanting me

      So today is going to be a challenge for all
      As being a granddad I've found is not easy at all
      Full multiple days of being with an 8 year old
      Is tiring, but enjoyable, I keep getting told

      He can be full of fun and his energy is always full on
      Whilst now I am at a steady pace especially when trying to get my coat on
      To take him and 'his' dog out for a walk
      One day is okay after which, for him, its not on

      Something new and challenging he wants each day
      My snooze in the chair seems like history
      So many questions he fires at me
      When he goes home I am as shattered as shattered can be

      Still he makes me smile, and gets me out
      I have to laugh when he 'mucks' about
      Getting wet and dirty is what being a boy should be
      I love rustling his hair getting rid of the 'product' his hair gleams

      When his mum comes home she sees a little boy again
      And not a clean and tidy model of what she left with me
      Aghast sometimes she looks at me
      But relents when she sees the smile at her he beams

      Still she brings him neat, clean and tidy
      And I return him not as I have found him
      I think in some way she likes this look
      except the cleaning off of all his muck

    6. #1116
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      Default the start of another brand new day

      I want to feel the sunshine deep within
      And let it emit a glow only happiness can bring
      Depression and Anxiety today can have a rest
      I'm determined that I shall be at my 'sunny' best

      I shall start the day (again) by looking for work
      The results of my search I will not let get me down
      I will not let my face once again bear a frown
      For I feel good today and I shall not let myself down

      Some say be proactive when looking for a job
      Do not 'mope' around being a slob
      But I also believe in fate and look forward not back
      I shall be positive at what life I will have

      Although I do get negative when people don't respond
      But I tell myself it is a problem of theirs and I shall not feel bad
      I shall get moving on and on until another goal is met
      I shall not let setbacks put me under duress

      I have a predisposition to Anxiety and Depression I shall admit to that
      But no more shall I give it the total control that it once had
      These words I have said many times before
      So you see I can pick myself up and once again fight the foe

      The sky is blackened with rain filled clouds
      A sunbeam has it pierced and is lighting up the ground
      So no matter what this life may bring
      I shall always look for that sunbeam and follow my dream

    7. #1117
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      Default today

      Its been some time since I last wrote
      For I have been living in a 'dream' of sorts
      Nothing has happened to make me cry
      Nor has it to make me wonder why

      I'm still looking for work, but not with vigour
      I don't qualify for benefits so I just get by
      2 years to go until I can officially retire
      Depression does not visit I cannot lie

      Schools now back, Grandad duties over
      Now I have time to wander
      I can watch the trees as they begin to 'turn'
      And the birds begin flocking for there seasonal return

      I have no ambition to be a millionaire
      I don't want to travel the world, just be here
      I just now want to live and be content
      No longer a part of the rat race of men

      I don't wish though to stay at home
      My coat will go on and off I'll go
      Just meandering here and there
      With my camera, record the 'things' at which I stare

      Mental health issues today I have none
      I just know am able to be me and to get along
      I don't know what the future will hold for me
      But today I am me and as free as can be.

    8. #1118
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      Default Summers end

      The weather has had a distinct change
      A chill has begun instead of a morning haze
      Clouds roll in to hide the sky
      Rain is being more persistent as the day goes by

      The day tries to peak its temperature to remind us of summer
      The night reverses the high noting the ‘TOG’ quilt needs to be higher
      Lower and lower does the temperature fall
      Until the heating ‘kicks in’, the boiler once again becomes ‘Lord’

      Birds begin to amass in numbers
      Their mass migration to warmer climes
      Their breeding season is now at an end
      For a few short week’s we shall hear a cacophony of sound

      The leaves have already begun to ‘turn’
      Showing autumn has begun once again
      Its showcase full of vibrant colours
      Getting ready for its shutdown so winter can begin

      This for me this is a sensitive time
      For everything I love (it seems) goes now underground
      The birds are few and flowers less
      At the least the green helps to still the stress

      As the weather closes in and the temperature drops
      I listen and play music to rid myself of any distress
      For whilst outside the summer goes away
      In my heart and mind, it is here to stay

      But I do not take it all as ‘gloom and doom’
      For Christmas is a time for the joy to begin
      As the Solstice will be past
      And it’s time for the spring to come back

      During this time that autumn brings
      I make the most and reminisce of the year that’s been
      Endeavour to rejoice on the good times we've had
      And look forward with glee at what is still to come

    9. #1119
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      Default Mixed messages coming through

      Do not (like me) underestimate your mental health
      But understand it is cruel in every sense
      One day you are riding on top of a wave
      The next you feel stranded and in disarray

      I can’t describe this aura I have
      For I’m not unwell nor in a mentalist trance
      It’s just that all around seems to be closing in on me
      Yet really, I am free as I have ever been

      Yesterday my ‘temper’ I nearly lost
      Then nearly took it out on those that I love
      Now I feel that I have again to rebuild
      And hope those affected will again be near me

      It is no good for me to wander
      Being alone will take me further under
      Being in crowds is just the same
      It’s just a merry-go-round I don’t feel sane

      My medication is up to date
      I have taken the doses religiously
      Surely a little bit of anger I’m allowed to have
      That somehow depression came in from behind

      Before negativity which was all around
      Took me down to depression’s horrid ground
      But now there is nothing for me to feel down
      Yet I have this aura of despondence all around

      Writing this usually helps me through
      As talking therapy, I have been unable to do
      But this is not working today I find
      Maybe it’s time to ‘man up’ and curtail this decline

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