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    Thread: Library of motivations

    1. #1091
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      Default Me, today!

      The rain is tumbling down
      The skies, grey all around
      Every so often brightness appears
      The clouds scurry again and it disappears

      The window pain is covered in droplets
      Every so often they fall Ė rivulets?
      Those that pass are hidden away
      Beneath a brolly or rainwear

      A clock is ticking in my ear
      Other than that, it is quiet everywhere
      Listening carefully, I hear cars passing by
      And the hard-drive of my computer whirring as if alive

      My mind seems to be ticking over
      No straight thoughts, no feeling of wonder
      Shortly I will be on my own
      As my wife goes out, to keep her mind sound

      I know I have things to do
      But my recollection seems to be overdue
      I do what comes up before me now
      For nothing else seems right anyhow

      I quite like this state of mind
      For if I cannot think of anything then all is fine
      Maybe Iíll read or listen to music
      Or have a shower then sleep a bit

    2. #1092
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      Default Within my mind no two days are ever the same

      Decorating has been my task of late
      My hands always seem covered in paint
      Today all seems to have come to a head
      Off I went for a long walk instead

      A brilliant blue sky with white Ďpuffyí clouds
      A strong north east wind kept me hat bound
      Not many birds as I walked along the canal
      Except a grey Heron, waiting for the fish to rise

      Bluebells aplenty both sides of the bank
      Spanish on the path, English opposite
      The trees bursting now into leaf and the canopy begins to grow
      Soon it will shade the bank on the opposite side I walk

      I no longer can race along
      Everything now seems to take twice as long
      Although I admit I see a lot more
      And my mind also prefers this way I now tour

      Iím not depressed but I am feeling lonely
      I donít want company though, - a load of boloney!?
      Itís hard at times to describe these feelings I have
      But thankfully though I donít feel Iím going mad

      Soon the decorating will be done and my excuses gone
      Another job I will have to find for life has to go on
      Somehow the rat race now has become something I loathe
      But then again can I really choose

      Tomorrowís problem, but for now Iíll wait
      Plodding on with the decorating and taking a break
      For Ďthingsí have a way of just happening to me
      So I think Iíll wait and weíll see what will be

    3. #1093
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      Default just carrying on

      Right now, I am not depressed
      Anxiety as well appears to be taking a rest
      But Iím not thinking, Ďat last Iím curedí
      For I realise at last that Iím no fool

      Apart from acknowledging by this
      I am aware that the problem exists
      But I am keeping busy with the other things I do
      And not worrying about what Ďanythingí will do

      I have no work yet so money is tight
      But inside I feel the outlook is bright
      I shall keep pottering about, one day at a time
      Keeping busy and worries out of my mind

      Itís taken many years to be able to achieve this state of mind
      And Iím not sure if it is permanent or my mind being kind
      Either way it has given me a deep sense of relief
      After 63 years, I am finding it easier to sleep

      Looking out the skies are grey
      Rain is falling in a persistent way
      But the earth rotates and the next day shall come
      And once again I shall feel the benefits of the sun

      Within a peace descends and calms me down
      As I reflect on many of my other times
      Nothing came about as bad as I feared
      I wish I had not let my head run away with my fears

      Today I have more decorating to do
      The pantry is where the air may turn blue
      Removing old shelves and making good the walls
      Itís a good job really that Iím not that tall

      Painting it all out and replacing the shelves
      Just a little job in the mind of others
      But I know it will be dirty and cramped in space
      But heh ho my mind will not be all over the place

    4. #1094
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      Default mixed feelings

      9:30 now at night
      Am I really alright
      Sitting here watching the day fade away
      Getting ready to start another day

      A night hopefully of restful sleep
      To wake refreshed and full of beans
      Probably though it will be one of tossing and turning
      Even though my eyes are just about closing

      Strange though not my mind
      Itís going on and on in its way having a good time
      For as the darkness envelops all around
      My mind thinks itís not evening time

      Right now, a ribbon of light is all thatís there
      Behind me blackness is everywhere
      The cloud cover ensures no stars can shine
      It really is a lonely time

      So I write to cleanse my mind
      As well as taking up some of my time
      Shortening the time the daylight will be gone
      Maybe helping sleep to come along

      I like to sit and think awhile
      Write down my thoughts to read back sometime
      Maybe gain an insight on how my mind works
      Maybe not, for do I really mind

      Rambling words start to appear on screen
      Giving a hint itís time to leave
      Get a book or listen to music
      Either way relax your mind and not exercise it

    5. #1095
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      Default A tear in my eye

      Depression has insidiously crept within
      Invading my very being
      As I lay half awake
      I didnít see the advance it made

      Half asleep I began to withdraw
      Not wanting to awake at all
      Wanting to stay away from all things
      Including myself I wanted to scream

      Reluctantly I rose from my bed
      My Grandson was staying and wanted to be heard
      This was worse for I do not wish him to know
      These feelings that torment my soul

      Now he has gone, my wife as well
      I sit here writing at last on my own
      A strange feeling now gets a grip
      I really donít like this one little bit

      This afternoon I have to go out
      A band concert is what itís all about
      So now to clean my instrument and oil the valves
      In preparation to make some beautiful sounds

      A place where I have to meet and greet
      Be pleasant, well for a little bit
      But I am hoping the magic will once again occur
      And remove this depressive unwelcome curse

      Playing music like writing is a tool I have
      To aid release from depressions world
      For it smooths out these ripples that scourge my mind
      The eradication of me is what itís trying

      As I sit here looking out
      A drizzle of rain is out there playing
      I can see but not hear any noise it makes
      But can see on the window a pattern, its trace

      Whilst depression right now is lightening up
      Sadness is still filling my cup
      I wish I could understand
      Why the feelings keep going around in my mind

    6. #1096
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      Default a disquieting time

      Almost a week has now gone by
      And I still fail to see a reason why
      That children be targeted in a cowardly attack
      It leaves a bitter taste within my mouth

      I have shed no tears as anger is there
      A response is my first thought as deadly as theres
      But to sink that low is beneath contempt
      Now Iím saddened by being unable to show care

      Iíve watched the masses congregate with grief
      And seen all communityís barriers being breached
      People speaking with bewildering sadness
      That such an atrocity can only be called madness

      My heart was lifted by the emergency teams
      Who rallied to help the victims of the scene
      Then the continuance of the police in finding
      The people who aided this terrible crime

      My thoughts right now are with those still in peril
      Who the NHS is working hard against injuries so terrible
      The aftermath of the minds caught up in this event
      Who quietly go home and cry themselves to sleep

      The next few weeks there will be funerals plenty
      My heart and thoughts will be with those attending
      For they have a steep hill to climb
      Coming to terms with their grief at this time

      I commend those people who are able to talk
      And not keep it in, stoically and continually walk
      These people will pay an hurtful price
      As with each step the burden grips tight

      I see no ray of sunshine to light up the way
      I know this will come, for Ďtimeí has yet to play
      But for now I hope the perpetrators of this disgusting deed
      Realise the contempt of them that people now feel
      Hug blacksmoke hugged this poster.

    7. #1097
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      Default Time for a walk

      The storms now gone, the sun is out
      Time for a walk to see what is about
      Chores for today all done and packed away
      We all need some time to rest and play

      I donít yet know where to go
      Iíll just go and follow my nose
      You never know what will happen
      So off Iíll go and not feel the entrapment

      Iím keeping an open mind on what to see
      So that also means no planning Iíll need
      Just myself, just walking, taking my time
      Maybe thinking and resolving problems of mine

      Somehow, I hope not to meet anyone
      But I know if I do I will enjoy the time
      A little Ďchatí here and there
      Will lighten my heart and also my mind

      Nothing much else to say
      So I will just get along on my way
      I hope you too will have a peaceful time
      And Ďthingsí Ďoccurí to rest your mind
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    8. #1098
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      Default A strange day today

      A dark cloud has appeared within my head
      I feel I need to watch where I tread
      No reason is there for feeling this way
      Itís just that I donít feel happy today

      My wife is scurrying around she says cleaning up my mess
      Of the detritus of decorating I have been doing this last month
      For this weekend the wedding of my second son occurs
      Tomorrow my first son and his family are arriving to us

      My mood has got to change before then
      I donít want it said thereís that miserable od Ďgití again
      Maybe another walk I should do
      To somewhere quiet where I can just admire the view

      Not thinking of life and the tribulations it brings
      Of all the families that are still grieving with pain
      But to be joyous in mind that another son has gone
      And with his wife a wonderful future to be won

      It seems its wrong just to sit and be quiet
      And not to do things to help the disquiet
      Itís true in the past I have done my fair share
      Thatís probably why even now the problems give me despair

      Probably I spend too much time by myself
      For it the aids rumination and that does not help
      So tonight I immerse myself with the playing of music
      With the final rehearsals of a gig on Sunday

      Right now itís quiet in here
      Except for the clacking of the keyboard I hear
      Writing this out helps me to understand more
      Of the what and the wherefore, do I really endure?

      I have a lot going on in my life I admit
      Most of it good and I should be a happy old Ďgití
      But that sense I have of that this cannot last
      Takes away the happiness that I should have

      So thatís me today
      Just as mixed as before
      Thinking that itís another day that I have to endure
      This negativity I have is something I just deplore

    9. #1099
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      Default Today

      Today is going to be hectic and full of noise
      As my family surrounds me being a bundle of joy
      Whilst I love them all very dearly
      The hussle and bussle and noise will be hard for me

      Itís not for long so I must bide my time
      Tomorrow my son is wed and peace will be, well, not sublime
      For I am twixt the devil and the deep blue sea
      Not being able to cope with many around me

      But right now I am surrounded with peace
      As I write this ode nothing is worrying me
      I hope to have some time for myself
      And then with the grandchildren who love to give me hell

      More pictures Iíll take for the quieter moments ahead
      And then Iíll recall the things that were said
      Reliving those times but without the noise and the bussle
      I wish I could mingle and give them a little hassle

      My head though is still not on cloud nine
      But I think I am normal at this particular time
      For I am not known for being happy all the time
      I just like to sit and watch on the sidelines
      Hug blacksmoke hugged this poster.

    10. #1100
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      Default my own stupidity

      This past couple of weeks I have been stupid and paid the price
      I have had more to drink and my diabetes regime I let slide
      It hit me hard as I almost passed out with sugar
      And the depression hit hard and made me suffer

      The statement itself is true to me
      But it's the amount I had you wouldnít believe
      2 pints a night for 3 days I had
      With a glass of wine with dinner was nice

      The meals were rich as I knew theyíd be
      For hotels like to show off their culinary expertise
      I didnít mention my diabetic restrictions
      And enjoyed the food with great delight

      Never was I drunk nor Ďtipsyí
      But it was the culmination of three days that hit me
      Something must have accumulated within my mind
      And the depression hit and brought me to ground

      The high level of sugar came into the equation
      And in line with depression I was in confusion
      I could have cried as I tried to just let go
      And let my body repair on its own

      10 hours the first night I fitfully slept
      The second I nearly passed out and for 14 hours I was inept
      On the third day, the sugar was on the wain
      But depression filled my head with total woe

      This is a story of 7 days of my life
      And another seven days had to pass before this I could write
      Full of remorse at the stupidity of me
      And confirmed the restrictions that must be in place for me to be free

      Remorse coupled with anger now fuels me
      At the stupidity that I let loose and free
      No one to blame except myself
      The price this time seemed like a living hell

      Triggers are there which lead you down a path
      And we must be aware of their terrible price
      Then be strong in will and more self assured
      Then we can live a life were love can bloom

      Although I really should abstain from drink and rich food
      Sugar and carbohydrates and in alcohol that I consume
      Not only my glucose levels can get turned on my head
      But also that thing Ďdepressioní can make me want to be dead

      Once again I have learned a lesson
      I have to take on board and not let be forgotten
      Then I can face the world with my head held high
      And myself and others what life can really be like.
      Hug blacksmoke hugged this poster.

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