So I'm still undiagnosed. It seems like this will be a long process but I'm hoping to get to the bottom of it soon. I'm wanting to discuss anger in my post today. I'm going to list things that happen to me to do with anger.
The slightest thing can make me angry. One minute I'll be smiling and then someone will disturb my thoughts and I'll bite there heads off or I'll get irritated. The computer will be slow or won't work or stops working all together and I'll go into a rage. I'll push people away from me and I'll slam down on it.
If people say no to me when I ask for something. I find that I feel its unfair and I'm the only person not allowed these things and I'll kick off in a rage and start going onto depressed emotions and turning it into 'Noone cares about me' 'I'm unloved' and 'I'm alone' and I'll scream and pull my hair out. The mood changes are drastic in this sense.
I have put holes in walls and managed to destroy room after room as well as smash photographs. I can't control anger and the change from happy to anger is sudden and then anger turns to depression.
I have hurt others before sometimes for no reason at all. Pulling at there hair, kicking them, scratching them, pushing them, and slapping them.
At school I'd slap people, all the time for no reason at all but I couldn't control it when I felt on a 'high period' I'd slap people too. Once an old best friend we were teasing each other and joking on. She was punching me in the arm as a joke and I was doing the same back. Then we stopped and were having a laugh then this emotion all of a sudden overcame me and I slapped her really hard in the face. Everyone got up and walked away from me. She was shocked and I was extremely upset. I burst into tears and ran away. I sank into depression again. I can't control it.
I would love to control the anger and these sudden mood changes but can't. I guess I'm wondering if anyones been through similar anger issues and if its just a part of Bipolar. Its so upsetting. I also always find a way to justify it even though I know it was uncalled for. I get into my head its other people not me.
Hi, just wanted to let you know you are definitely not on your own with the anger thing.
My girlfriend is exactly the same though thankfully she has never slapped me.
She finds it very hard to control her anger and sometimes shakes with rage, shes extremely difficult to talk to when she gets in that zone and like wise its difficult to keep a cool head when someone is screaming at you.
I know now to just leave her alone until she calms down, which can take a while, normally she cries I imagine as a sort of release of pent up feelings. That is when I know I can approach her.
She has said to me that when she gets like that she just wants to be held which I find impossible because when I try she pushes me away and tells me she hates me. But when she does calm down shes very guilty and almost tortures herself about it which can only add to the problem in the first place.
Luckily she is learning to go for a walk to calm her thoughts but sometimes its hard.
I don't suppose this helps much but know that you are not alone with this.
Thank you for the reply. It does help to know I'm not alone and it is difficult. That is what I'm like. I tell my boyfriend I hate him and other things. We have been together over two years and I love him very much but hes been through so much due to me. I have also told him so many times its over and then regretted it and felt guilty when I've calmed down...and the same happens to me I get depressed, and cry alot when it starts to pass and I just want to be held too but I also push people away and scream at them, and say I hate them, especially my poor boyfriend. I'm glad I'm not alone in it though. Thanks again for taken the time to listen and reply
Have you received any help with your anger? Any techniques?
No I havent recieved any help yet.
first of all ((((hugs))))
shell05, you said exactly what my hubby says about me. i get so so angry in seconds it is scary, im scared of what im capable of. been a bit better since i started bi polar meds i think. at start of the year.
i think it must be part of bi polar or something. i thot it was just me, i absolutely hate myself when ive been like that and am embarrassed adn guilty. ive broke so much stuff and smashed glasses, threatened to stab my husband, all manner of shit. sorry to here you sound similar. i hope you can get some help (and i suppose i should to) xxx
Hi, toonafish, its always a relief to hear you're not going through things alone. I support my girlfriend as best I can and I have to have the patience of an angel some days but my friends and family don't really have a clue about what goes on and this forum has been a great help to me.
EternalityFlames, I hope you're ok I often check here to see how you are.
Take care all xx
Toonafish, thanks for the message. It sounds like me although I dont think I'd threaten to stab my boyfriend but I'm really not too sure. Its a different person when I loose my temper. I'm lucky that I have such a wonderful partner. My family though have just thrown me away as if I just don't matter. Calling me a 'spoilt brat' and 'my little temper tantrums' which couldn't be further from the truth, I'm hoping to get some help soon with it all, thank you, and I hope you do too and things are okay with you.
Shell05, its great how you support your girlfriend and I'm so glad that you do, thank you for checking up on me, at the moment I'm alright but waiting for my next mood change although I did have a bit of angry moments today but they soon passed.
Even with my diagnosis, and my meds I still have times like you describe. My husband says its like having another person in my body. The danger for me is I still have two younger children at home. Its awful after an incident to hear your 9 year old make a comment. I spend hours crying about it and hating myself.. However during more even periods I am able to use some techniques Ive learned through cbt and other therapies Ive had. The night before last I realised I was on that slippery slope and mid way through a tirade of anger fueled abuse and I saw my daughters face.. It was enough to help me refocus and remove myself from situation till I calmed down..
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