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    Thread: I'm going insane. I really need help. I'm not insane, am I?

    1. #11
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      I'd say you couldn't be a textbook psychopath as you wouldn't have previously experienced the emotions you describe in your first post - psychopaths are born that way apparently.

      It sounds to me more like you've had a reaction to your previously low self-esteem and have gone the opposite way to build yourself up and feel like you are good enough.

      I can actually relate to what you say about you'd rather be bad and strong than weak and nice. Some people who have experienced abuse in their lives can have those feelings, not saying you have been abused, but it is quite common when one has previously been powerless.

      I self harm in the manner you describe as well (I'm guessing your post will be edited to remove that reference) and it doesn't sound like you really feel you are great or you wouldnt feel the need to do that. It's not a very self-loving thing to do.

      Although I don't share your experiences I can relate to what I perceive as the anger behind your post. I wonder if you are feeling out of control, that can be scary. I can relate to the "F*** you mentality".

      I don't think you really sound like a psychopath. Sorry if this displeases you. I'm guessing you will hate any suggestion by forum members that you are in pain, distress etc because it seems you have conditioned yourself to believe being "weak" is pathetic.
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    2. #12
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      some people, myself inc, blame themselves for any abuse, mistreatment, bullying, that they have experienced as feel it is due to weakness, and then I suppose that's when people can end up feeling the need to be aggressive.

      As a kid I never stood my ground at home or at school, but then I experienced anger, rage that I had supressed for years, and by the time I got to 16 yrs old, I could no longer, nor didn't want to, suppress the anger anymore, so I got aggressive at home, not in a violent way, but in my tone of voice, mainly to protect myself from getting more abuse, it was my defence mechanism - but it was a necessary process, and it did the job of protecting me. But that aggression wasn't my persona, yes I have a vulnerable side to me, we all do, and I experience that anger - but it isn't all me - no one is neither good nor bad in my eyes - there are things that we experience that have a reaction, everything is cause and affect.

      Just because we react to things in certain ways, or dissociate ourselves from the vulnerable person that we were once, and blame that vulnerability for any bad that happened to us at the time - doesn't make a psychopath - and the blocking of emotions is also a way to not remind ourselves of the trauma we have suffered - not allowing ourselves to think and feel about it is suppression, and we all do it to get rid of the pain.
      But at some point, we have to be strong enough to allow ourselves to be vulnerable again, to re-experience that pain, to process what happened to us, and that will eventually empower us to be stronger in a way that we don't have to use our aggression to protect ourselves.
      Thanks Toasted Crumpet, optimism gave thanks for this post.
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    3. #13
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      Well, no I'm not offended you don't think I'm a psychopath. Why would I care what a random person online thinks?

      I am not out of control, and even in my previous post, I wasn't insecure. I was more, trying to fight my inherent traits.

      We actually do experience emotions, but only ones that correlate with ourselves. One thing I got from my initial post, was my selfishness. I knew there was something wrong with me, and I didn't know what. The thing is, with psychopaths (I've talked to many and with my psychologist) we get angry and have reactions like this when we've failed. We can't handle failure. It's our own fault. It's like, we can't handle not being excellent at something we tried hard at. In that moment, I failed myself, I was very angry with myself. I never cry, I even stated that in my previous post, this was an isolated incident. I cried for about one minute, till I was so angered with the pathetic-ness of myself.

      Though after reading that post, It definitely reassured me of my diagnosis. Unlike sociopaths, psychopaths tend to have 'Psycho' reactions like this. Impulsiveness and rage as well.
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    4. #14
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      Quote Originally Posted by OnlyaGuest View Post
      Unlike sociopaths, psychopaths tend to have 'Psycho' reactions like this. Impulsiveness and rage as well.
      My understanding was that sociopathy and psychopathy were the same thing, but that the term sociopath was used to distinguish people with ASPD from the horror movie type killer stereotype. I also thought that whilst sociopaths can function in society in spite of their difference, with many having successful careers and seemingly appearing normal, psychopaths are more likely to be violent and end up in prison.

      Also, impulsiveness and rage can be aspects of borderline PD as well. I have them, and I wouldn't have described myself as a psychopath, except when I am being very self-hating.

    5. #15
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      I'm still not buying it - because a psychologist nowadays wouldn't use the phrase 'psychopath' rather they would use anti-social personality disorder - as they can't use the word 'psycho' any more.

      Plus when you write you say 'we experience....' and use the word 'ourselves' it makes me think that rather than being diagnosed with it, you have read up about psychopaths on the net, and attaching to the way you feel with stories about psychopaths, hence you are using the word 'we' and 'ourselves'.

      Most people, regardless of their diagnosis, would usually say 'I experience....', 'I feel.....' it all seems a bit too strange this - and I also feel that you are determined to convince us that you are a psychopath.

      Most people, if they actually got diagnosed with that label, they would be spending more time telling the world that they aren't like that. I still feel that you are living in some sort of fantasy world, or perhaps you hate yourself so much that you to experience others scorn. To come on this site and try convince people on here your evil, doesn't add up, and I don't think you are evil. The more you try to convince us, the more I think the opposite of what you are wanting us to believe.

      I met a psychopath person once, he was my step father - and no way would he try to convince people of how evil he was, and how he didn't care for others, he tried his damndest to pretend others, but I saw through it - he tried to hard, enough to make me realise that he was false - you are doing the same but in reverse - you are probably, actually a nice person, but you want to protect your vulnerability, so you want to convince yourself that you don't care about others - but in actual fact, you probably care very deeply about what others think of you, and it probably hurts when you get criticised. You are actually convincing me that you are probably quite fragile. That isn't something to be disgusted at, being fragile at points of our life is okay, but to block that pain out, and pretending to the world we don't care, and wanting, desiring to be a harder, badder person, isn't good.

      I also think you want people to hate you. I think in reality you are projecting the way you probably really feel about yourself, onto others, and then when you get the hatred you want, you can get angry with someone else other than yourself.

      But I don't hate you, I think you are actually quite interesting, and I can probably see myself in you when I was a bit younger than I am now.
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    6. #16
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      You might be right about the emotions - medication dampens down our emotions as you probably know - and suddenly people find that they can't access the deep range of emotions, or feel them as deeply as they did once. Some medications will even stop people shedding tears, they are generally used to suppress emotions anyway. So I might buy this part, but only very slightly.
      Last edited by Dissatisfied; 09-02-14 at 08:44. Reason: typo

    7. #17
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      same here. agree with Dissatisfied....
      the bad side is to protect us....from people....
      like, if we were a bit mean to others, and if we tried to put up a strong front....maybe we can fight our inner demons....and our own personal hell....
      i used to be like u, having a good side and bad side....and many other sides....they would resurface in front of people....sometimes, i seem like a bubbly person....and sometimes, someone who is sad....sometimes, someone who has mood swings....but to the people who thought they knew me years back, they felt i had changed.....
      sometimes, we just need to let it all out...and being powerless sucks.....we hope we can squash those horrid weak and negative feelings by thinking that we are so much better, and there is nothing wrong....
      i tried to think: there is nothing wrong with me....few hours later, i realise, all the negative things, emotions, psycho stuff are all coming back....
      there is nothing wrong in admitting that we have felt vulnerable, but we must be more guarded and careful about who we trust.

    8. #18
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      Default Im going off the deep end.... actually i think i jumped in

      Im going insane. Im 29 black male. Have a shitty job. Been single forever. Ive become a bit loopy going on insane. I talk to myself all the time but its gotten out of hand. Theirs now three me's. In my mind theirs the evil one. Rage pain hate that borders on poison who wants nothing more than to bludgen someone to death just like negan from the walking dead. It/he/they hate other human beings. The other one is good, warm genereous. Would do anything for anyone. Wants to help people and make the world a better place for everyone. Then theirs the other. The kid in the middle. He's in a protective bubble but feels nothing, just wants to be left alone. I seem to alternate between all three like some messed up id ego and superego think. My minds becoming fractured. Now i see them in my head... like i literally see them. I can describe what they look like, what they wear, manerisms, what they say in terms of advice etc etc. The good and bad one one hate each other, they even have battles. The indifferent one in the middle stops them from killing each other. Then he goes back into the shield. Its got to the point that i actively talk to each of them in my head and sometimes out aloud. Sometimes they even take over. ..... now im hearing others. My windows open and i hear far off voices. Im sure their just my neighbours talking but not so sure.... its either ive got super hearing to be able to hear them from that far away or im gradually losing my mind. Worse still its becoming a game. I also havent slept in like a week. O cant seem to as i get really bad nightmares. Theirs also the epilepsy thing though i dont think its got anything to do with that.... hopefully not.

      What tge hell do i do? I feel like i should just run out the door and disapear...

      Fucksake its 6:04 am and i still cant sleep...

      Arrrrr .... i think im going mental lol hahaha!
      Last edited by TiredTina; 01-01-17 at 19:48. Reason: Specifics & personal details removed
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    9. #19
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      I get it, I've been the same way. Talking to myself since I was little, arguments in my head, all of it. I don't really have a good voice though, it's the logical one and the evil one.
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    10. #20
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      Hi Only A Guest! You are neither the good voice or the bad voice your personality is between both of them and is not as extreme as your good or bad voices are. Try not talking to them. If you need to work it out Talk about them to yourself if that's what you need to do. Example: "They" or "That Voice" doesn't know me or who I am. I agree with dissatisfied, you should make an appointment to see a doctor. I had a fear of being in a hospital for telling my story but its far from the truth. I was never hospitalized. Make an appointment, its not as scary as you thinking.

      Well, I finished reading the entire thread.

      Your not a failure and it takes a real man/woman to cry.

      - - - Updated - - -

      Hi Venium! Are you seeing anyone for this yet? I have a friend with epilepsy. It's a hard thing to deal with on its own. I'm sorry that your having so much going on right now. How are you doing now?
      Last edited by backagain2; 11-01-17 at 04:03. Reason: didn't read everything

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