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    Thread: Personal Account: Odd experiences with voices at night

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      Default Personal Account: Odd experiences with voices at night

      Hello, felt the need to post some weird experiences on the forum. Perhaps the spiritual forum would be more appropriate but decide to post here instead. I have recently started a journal recording my experiences of hearing voices. I have been afflicted with the phenomena for approximately two years now. The following entries describe a series of episodes that occurred during hours where I was trying to sleep. The voices often become invasive at night. Oddly this only happens a few times a month. Been dealing with it fairly well the last five months, refusing to interact with the voices. In future posts I will relay my hypotheses as to what may be going on. Feedback is welcome; however I would appreciate information outside the typical medical model.

      Feb. 4th

      Faint voice rouses me from slumber. I ask it why it commanded me to commit suicide in the past (in a situation about six months ago voices told me to cut my wrists)

      Answer: 'Because there is hatred in me'



      Feb. 11th 20

      One night I was half conscious and was in a hypnogogic state (half-consious and seeing vivid visualizations). Random images flashed violently through my mind. Could feel my head smashing into the pillow as my head and neck convulsed and jerked about without my direct volition. Body was also freezing cold and covered with a tingling sensation. Heard a clear communication with a male voice.

      'Thing is, we don't like you that much'

      I curse at the voice, then as if to retaliate against my curse, gives me one last violent jerk of the head. I am then fully roused from my sleep. Try going to sleep again. Disturbing images of monsters flash in my head to rouse me every time I start to drift off. The final communication of the night was:

      'We are the FBI'

      From my subjective point of view it was like the voices or whatever they are, were cracking a joke about the various delusions some people experience of being monitered by intelligence agencies. I failed to find the claim remotely believable.
      Last edited by dontwakethedragon; 16-02-12 at 20:18.

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      *I should also mention an odd thing that happens when the voices talk to me. My lips and mouth will sound out the communication similtaneously as the messages occur in my mind. Very strange and reminds me of 'conscious channeling' that some people in the paranormal feild have experienced.

      Feb 14 2012

      Tossing and turning at night. On the verge of sleep when cold tingling sensation envelops body. Mind is intruded by male voice. K.H. (initials for an ex-roomate I used to live with. Have heard this voice in my head on prior occassions, always mean spirited) program is reinstated. K.H. mentions the date Feb. 2 again (months ago this voice told me something was going to happen on this date) and 'license exam' insinuating these two items are related. I am told that I was supposed to have 'taken responsibility' on this date and take my drivers test. In reality, I never planned to do such a thing. I have a driving phobia, and while it makes things difficult I can still get around when I need to.

      I ask who it really is I'm talking too. It's response: 'you stupid fuck, it's K.H.' Apparently K.H. has telepathic prowess and can communicate with me over long distances. He also supposedly has the ability to see everything I am doing. A very uncanny and unlikely scenerio.

      A number of auditory scripts, many of which have been recycled in prior episodes, occur during the course of this nightly session. These include the following:

      - That i lack intelligence and the rational disposition to appropriately deal with K.H.'s machinations. K.H. claims to be a superior being. In his words: 'I'm better than you, I'm stronger than you, I'm faster than you and I'm smarter than you.'
      -That K.H. is being harsh in order to mold me into a man more like himself.
      -That K.H. hates me yet also loves me. An odd combination of affect to be sure. Strikes me as pathological.
      -That K.H was helping me not because K.H. liked me, but that as his personal 'project', he was doing so as an obligation to his own self-development.
      -Repeating that I am a narcissist who only loves myself and hates everything and everyone in my life.
      -That as much as K.H. hates me, he desires that I succeed. (that is to get over my driving phobia and learn how to be a real 'man' )
      -That i am an irresponsible person who has accomplished little in life, defining me as a 'loser'
      -That all I do is 'bitch and moan' and don't do anytihing about my situation. That I live in denial of this simple truth. This lack of ambition on my part supposedly reinforces my narcissistic nature.
      -that all i do is see evil in the world, which is nothing more than a projection of my own internalized hatred.
      -That both me and K.H are assholes. K.H. asks me whether i think he is a narcissist. To mitigate any conflict I tell K.H. I don't really know. (Personally the K.H. commentary is reminicent of a borderline personality. However this is a subjective diagnosis based soley on the dialogue expericed)
      -K.H. claims he's not telepathic. He's just talking to me in my head. Does that not qualify as telepathy? I found K.H.'s statement ridiculous and infuriating.

      Overall, I found the K.H. communications emotionally distressing. I was very conflicted over the situation because as much as I wanted to disagree with the K.H.'s dialogue, I could not help but fear there were some elements of truth to its accusations. I resented K.H's so-called boot camp schooling. Given that in the past these auditory scripts had landed me in the psychiatric hospital twice, and one occasion commanded me commit suicide, I had a hard time believing K.H. (or whatever it is) was doing this to benefit me.

      I attained very little sleep that might, perhaps 2 hours at best. Whenever I began drifting off, my arm or head would convulse involuntarily, rousing me completely. In frustration, I desired greatly to blame these autonomous movements to the K.H. phenomena. Part of me felt K.H. (or whatever this intelligence was) was intentionally manipulating my body to keep me from getting needed rest.

      Once daylight came, I gave up and in a rage, cused at K.H. in my mind. I did so in fact, until I was literally blue in the face. While I realize such behavior will do nothing to subdue the persecutory dialogue, I felt relieved afterwards.

    3. #3
      Senior Member Raina Walks's Avatar
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      i feel so bad for you...i was in your shoes at this time last year....my voices went away at the end of last july and have not said a word since...prior to that they hounded me for four years...saying and doing similar things to what you have mentioned...i had to take lorazepam to sleep....2 mg knocks me out but now i am addicted...seems a small price to pay for some peace...

      i cursed my voices a lot too ... takes a lot of energy...i used writing as a means of communicating with them too ... i wrote them many a nasty letter...every nasty thing they said to me i started twisting around and i said it to them...they could not handle it...and eventually stopped...

      it is good that you thought to post your experiences on here...when the voices first started i did not know about the mhf...i joined just a few months before they stopped talking.....

      keep fighting them and don't do anything they say...i did that...if they said to do something i would do it differently if it made sense or not at all if it did not...when they said to harm myself i would send a mental image of me harming them in that way...i fought for my life...for freedom from the voices...

      wishing you peace....

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      A rational appraisal of these events would entice an outside party to conclude that my experiences are causally attributable to the imaginitive operations of the unconscious mind. Or a more novel approach, that the autonomous voices are simply dissociated fragments of my core personality, a sub-personality (or as based on Dissociative Identity Disorder: an 'alter') perchace? While I would desire nothing more than to subscribe to these ideas, the doubting maverick in me has difficulty rejecting the possibility that these repeated events are invasive actions generated by a foriegn intelligence. I cannot help but consider the communications as some externally personified source independent from the interworkings of my conscious and subconscious mind. Therefore, I have two hypotheses:

      A) I am dealing with a flesh-and-blood human telepath who, despite claiming to be a good and loving man, is hell-bent on subjecting me to what I can only describe as psychological abuse. Of course, the K.H. dialogue would disagree with my assertion and claim it is 'kicking me ass' to make me into a 'real' man.

      However, one cannot help but question the authenticity of this hypothesis. The probablity of human telepathy as the true causitive factor appears unlikely. Based on what little information is available on telepathy, it is unlikely K.H. could transmit a continuous communication, not to mention manipulate a human body over a 300+ mile radius. Furthermore, the dialogue appears to be consistently present 24 hours a day. While I have the ability to tune out the communications without it interfering with my daily activities, I can still sense there is some kind of dialogue in the background. Although K.H. is bipolar and can stay up for days, I have a hard time believing he would never sleep at all. Anyway, K.H. claims that he knows my time schedule and coodinates his bedtimes to coincide with mine. An almost ridiculous assertion in my opinion.

      As far as I am concerned, maintaining a telepathic link over a 300+ mile radius unendingly, would require a large resivore of regenerative energy. In such a case this would make K.H. a supremely powerful telepath. In conclusion, hypothesis A seems implausible.

      B) A discarnate human or interdimensional/astral intelligence that gets a kick out of imitating the identites of people I know, in addition to posessing human bodies and tormenting the psyche. Given a paranormal source does not suffer from the limitations of 3-D reality (as it is quantum in nature), this hypothesis appears to be more consistent with the pattern of events that have transpired.

      One creepy example of why I sometimes doubt the messages are based on my interal repository of knowledge is that during one episode about a year ago a voice (this time claiming to be a woman I knew) said she lived in some small town (don't remember the name anymore) in Texas. Before the voice told me about this town, I had never heard of it before, therefore its name could never have been a part of my unconscious memory. After looking up this 'town' on the internet, I found out it was a suburb in Austain Texas.

      In another eerie experience, this time the voice claiming to be a light being or spirit guide made some predictions on some statistical tests I had not yet performed. When I ran the tests, I found the size of the correlations were remarkably close to the predictions the voice had given me (within .2-.5 points). Could simply have been a coincidence, but it sure was strange.

      Anyhow, feedback would be much welcome. If anyone else has had similar experiences or anything odd, please feel free to share what happened to you. You have my support.

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      Senior Member Raina Walks's Avatar
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      the voices did things like that with me too...and as a result i gave in to them and they had total control of my mind in that i did everything they said for weeks...i spent $15k in three weeks .... they told me what to say to the doctors in hospital...what to ask for to help me with sleep...they do all kinds of things...

      if i needed to get somewhere i did not know the directions to...they would literally lead me there without me having looked at a map...just with them directing me...it is heady stuff...

      but i told them that i do better on my own...i don't need their help and they need to go away....they kept for a long time trying to prove that i needed them but i kept telling them to go away until one day they finally did...

      i have ptsd and could not remember how some people in my past looked like...the voices sent their pictures in my mind and i recognized them right away....whatever this phenomenon it is a very powerful one...i'll say that...but it is more dangerous than it is helpful in my opinion...

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      Thank you Raina. Yah after being screwed over by these voices in the past I refuse to do anything they tell me. Haha, funny you mention lorazepam because I take that to go to sleep sometimes. Luckily the bastard voice hasn't messed with me that last few day. I to have sent images to the voices of me harming them. If they do it to me, why can I not do it to them. Glad the voices leave you alone now, that is awesome. I will keep fighting them.

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      Quote Originally Posted by Raina Walks View Post
      the voices did things like that with me too...and as a result i gave in to them and they had total control of my mind in that i did everything they said for weeks...i spent $15k in three weeks .... they told me what to say to the doctors in hospital...what to ask for to help me with sleep...they do all kinds of things...

      if i needed to get somewhere i did not know the directions to...they would literally lead me there without me having looked at a map...just with them directing me...it is heady stuff...

      but i told them that i do better on my own...i don't need their help and they need to go away....they kept for a long time trying to prove that i needed them but i kept telling them to go away until one day they finally did...

      i have ptsd and could not remember how some people in my past looked like...the voices sent their pictures in my mind and i recognized them right away....whatever this phenomenon it is a very powerful one...i'll say that...but it is more dangerous than it is helpful in my opinion...
      Wow, those experiences of yours are very similar to my misadventures. They are really good at getting you to be dependent on them. One night about a year and a half ago the voices told me to get on a bus. I was dropped off in a town I did not know at all geographically speaking. I got lost and the voices literally took over my body and led me back to the area I was dropped off. Experienced automatic writing as well. Mine also told me to tell doctors different things. Very scary stuff.

      You're right they are not helpful, they only lead us down bad paths and force us to make terrible decisions. I've told mine to go away, but they never do. Medication doesn't do a damn thing to get rid of the voices. I think I might be stuck with it. Anyway, I just ignore them. Hopefully one day they will fade out of existence.

      Sorry about your ptsd Raina, that's a tough situation to be in. Wish you the best.

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      Senior Member Boris's Avatar
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      This is all very interesting... dontwakethedragon, are you currently on any medications, and what are your sleeping patterns like (i.e. are you constantly over-tired/forcing yourself to stay awake during the day etc). Does this coldness/tingling sensation enter your body before, or during these voice communications, and is it present each and every time?

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      Quote Originally Posted by dontwakethedragon View Post
      Wow, those experiences of yours are very similar to my misadventures. They are really good at getting you to be dependent on them. One night about a year and a half ago the voices told me to get on a bus. I was dropped off in a town I did not know at all geographically speaking. I got lost and the voices literally took over my body and led me back to the area I was dropped off. Experienced automatic writing as well. Mine also told me to tell doctors different things. Very scary stuff.

      You're right they are not helpful, they only lead us down bad paths and force us to make terrible decisions. I've told mine to go away, but they never do. Medication doesn't do a damn thing to get rid of the voices. I think I might be stuck with it. Anyway, I just ignore them. Hopefully one day they will fade out of existence.

      Sorry about your ptsd Raina, that's a tough situation to be in. Wish you the best.
      Thanks dontwakethedragon...since my diagnosis in 2009 i have received treatment and i think i'm through the worst of the healing journey for PTSD...before that i was diagnosed bipolar and with schizophrenia and now schizoaffective disorder because of my hearing voices history...

      the only problem is that i don't know if the voices will come back...i don't know if the books i am reading are telling the truth when they say it is possible to heal from ptsd...when i went to the hospital outpatient treatment they said we could heal from depression too...but i have suffered my whole life with it...so i am at the point where i am trying to work through what i call my underlying issues since i have many...over the next two years and then see what i can do with myself and my life from there...

      at this time last year i never thought the voices would be quiet a year later...i remember i started meditating ... i would say a prayer that i had written for me by a psychic and then i would start saying over and over again "I am free of hearing voices" and would believe that with everything in me and while they kept talking...i started living my life as though they were already gone...i remember it was difficult because i would be walking from a to b and they would be talking and it would affect me emotionally...i remember feeling weak in the knees a lot when i went out because i wanted to be free of them so badly....but gradually they stopped telling me what to do but not before doing a full blown attack where they were trying to convince me to move from where i am currently living...

      my response to them was that i could not imagine where i wanted to go instead and as long as they kept bothering me i could not assess my situation properly and would not be doing anything just because they said so...i also wrote them a nasty letter telling them to mind their own business and i started taunting them telling them in the same overwheming and domineering way to leave where they are living...to move out of their house or apartment...i did to them what they did to me and eventually they stopped doing that altogether....they changed their tune....

      my war with the voices was one of the hardest that i have ever fought and i don't know what i would do if i heard a voice again...i would be very upset...

      wishing you what i called 'quiet in your mind'.....i kept saying to myself that was what i needed....a life free of voices....

      when they went away...for about four months i was afraid that they would come back...i was always listening for them...i think it was only in january of this year six months later that i started waking up not expecting to hear voices....but ever so often i still have that fear...

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      Quote Originally Posted by Boris View Post
      This is all very interesting... dontwakethedragon, are you currently on any medications, and what are your sleeping patterns like (i.e. are you constantly over-tired/forcing yourself to stay awake during the day etc). Does this coldness/tingling sensation enter your body before, or during these voice communications, and is it present each and every time?
      Hi Boris. My sleeping patterns conform to the norm for the most part (7-8 hrs of sleep per day). It's just that once or twice a month the voices or whatever will bug me while I'm sleeping. The tingling sensation washes over my body about the same time as when the voices come into the foreground. The tingling doesn't always accompany the intrusion, but is fairly common. Sometimes my body will move without my direct input. and this too occurs sporadically.

      Also I should note, while I call them voices, most of the time they are just 'thoughts' without a sound associated with them. The thoughts are always present, it's just that they kind of pulse in the background (they are very faint) so I can tune them out easily. Only time the thoughts are pronounced (and have a 'sound' to them )is when I am interupted in my sleep on some occassions.

      Medications: taking lamectal (mood stabilizer) and busperon (for anxiety). Used to take an antipsychotic back when a doctor thought I had undifferentiated schizophrenia, but it didn't fade out the voices/foriegn thoughts. Thing is, schizophrenia doesn't really fit me either. Have solid reality testing, never suffered from disorganized/fragmented thinking, zoning out etc.

      As far as my mental health status currenly, I was diagnosed bipolar by the last psychiatrist I saw. However, I don't experience any severe mood swings, rapid speech nor do I remain awake for long periods of time. Never really euphoric/manic and never really depressed either.
      Last edited by dontwakethedragon; 17-02-12 at 06:42.

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