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    Thread: My story.

    1. #1

      Default My story.

      So my case is interesting. Short story. Raised as a Jehovah's Witness, left at 13 knowing I was in a cult. Moved state in with sister, didn't work out. Roommates picked me up, met highly intelligent people. Ate psychedelics, started getting into Wicca. "Sold my soul" in words and intention as a rebellious act from religion, thought I had my internal world to myself. Met the inter-dimensionary play pals on mushrooms and ecstasy, started hearing my roommates voice in my head clearly, commenting on what is happening. Went to the hospital, was enrolled or was going to be enrolled in a program for young people who are starting to show psychotic signs. Went crazy, completely lost my mind. Got demons. Fled state back to my hometown before I could start program. Am having a hard time deciphering voices messages, I know they are meaningful. Highly confused, completely messed up over what is happening but not crazy. Every man I've met since I've been back I've had the voice of in my head talking to me. Fighting this all the time. Confused. Non religious. Just really confused but not for no reason and not just simply confused, perpetually puzzled. Worried for my life, alone, sexually frustrated. Voices are real. Speak rights. Was obsessed with schizophrenia as a kid. Wanted to hear voices. Wanted schizophrenia. Got it. Big time. Struggle to know if I willed it into existence but not really. Found out Uncle Tom had schizophrenia. Communicating with other world. Did not clean at roommates house. Was self centered. Still am. Confused. Didn't deserve friends. Am screwed, confused, lonely. Lost my only online lover to paranoia. Willingly, let him go. Karmic debt. Bad person. Self absorbed, narcissistic. No good. False. Hiding. Cursed. Alone. Have a gift. Confused. Voices tell me so. Confused. Voices say that's it that's intelligence. Impossible to understand them. To others. I can. Alone.

    2. #2
      Moderator/Admin calypso's Avatar
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      Hiya. Do you think that all the drugs you took have started this all off? Being fascinated with schizophrenia doesn't mean you have it. Lots of people hear vioces who aren't schizophrenic. its more common than you think. Being brought up in a cult is hard on you. You can escape but it stays with you unless you get therapy to work it through and realise how it affects all kinds of areas of your life.

      I am Wiccan and its not evil at all as a religion. But I can understand if you are no longer interested in that. You say it was rebellion which motivated you to join in with Wicca, and that is understandable.

      YOu aren't cursed or no good, you are in distress and need some help I think. Have you considered getting more help for your needs? I think you need to sort through what you want and how to go about getting it. You clearly are in a bad way at the moment and perhaps some therapy would support you through your quest to find a better way to live.
      A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor

    3. #3

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      Yeah thank you. I totally agree. It was a rough morning when I posted that, I'm actually trying to find a way to delete posts but I cannot for some reason. Yeah I still consider myself Wiccan, somewhat, borrowing principals indeed. I think the drugs did help definitely because I was trying to communicate with the spirit realm. It only gets bad when tempers rise living with a father who thinks I'm demon possessed and worshipping the wrong side, he gets totally out of control absorbed in his world view. I used the drugs to try to get contact so the true nature of this cannot really be defined, people just don't know this stuff. It is what it is. I just thought that textbook schizophrenia matches everything I experience. That's all, plus a people diagnosis could be a crutch for those who insist I'm demon possessed. Gahh. Doing better today though, thank you for replying.

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