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    Thread: Falling back into old patterns

    1. #1
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      Default Falling back into old patterns

      Not sure if this is the appropriate forum, but given my condition, I think it is.

      I'm a 26 year old guy. Last year I was diagnosed with type 1 bipolar with psychotic features, along with schizophrenia and pstd. I was in therapy and on medication. I was doing pretty good and my therapist said she didn't think I needed therapy anymore (though I think her decision was impacted by my losing medicaid and not being able to pay for the services), and I stopped taking my medication a few months ago because they made me feel like shit.

      Over the past couple weeks, I have been having some pretty strong anger issues (along with others, but the anger is the most prevalent) and it keeps getting worse. I've always had issues with anger, especially in my late teens and early 20s, but I got it under control, or so I thought. Now they are coming back. Pretty much everything sets me off, though I have realized it gets worse at work. I've also realized that part of the reason I get angry at work is because I'm getting fed up with watching my coworkers standing around and letting be do the vast majority of the work. But while getting upset about those things is normal, I don't think it justifies the rage and even homicidal thoughts I am dealing with.

      It's not just the anger. There's also other issues. And I know, the first thing I will be told is to go back on my medications. But that's just not an option right now. I can't stand the way they make me feel and how muddled my brain gets. I also can't afford them And I can't have my brain muddled right now as I am finally back in college and need to be able to think clearly. If I go back into my depression and get suicidal again, I will try to get back on my meds, but for now, I can't

      I'm not sure what I am expecting from posting this. Just some kind of help, I guess.
      Hug Mayflower7 hugged this poster.

    2. #2
      Moderator Mayflower7's Avatar
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      Hi,
      I'm sorry your poorly, I think you know you need to find a way to try different meds.
      Not all meds will make you feel worse.
      Can you get any government aid schemes?
      Hope you feel better very soon.
      I find positive thinking helps me, ignore them at work it will be seen you work hard.
      An anger management course might help you.
      Here to listen to.
      Take care

    3. #3
      Moderator/Admin calypso's Avatar
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      Hiya and to the forum. I don't understand the American system very well (We are a British based forum but have people from around the world). I know what you mean about the medication, I'm diagnosed with bipolar and hate the pills I am on but after a discussion with my psychiatrist I am now on Aripiprazole which doesn't over sedate me or make me feel like a zombie. I am a bit "flat" at times but compared to before, I am really fine. It might be an idea to see if you can change them. As far as affording them though, I can't help you there, we get them all for free here.

      As for anger issues, I don't know. It sounds as though you have some cause for being angry. Have you tried going to your boss and making a complaint about the other workers? I know that in some places that is difficult. I would take every issue one at a time and write a pros and cons list and see what you can do about it instead of this "global" sense of anger. Isolate each reason and see what you have at the end of the day.

      I wish you well and hope others will be along soon to add to this.
      A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor

    4. #4
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      I'm a firm believer in using meds as a last resort, but I've never given them a shot.
      The best advice I can give is to go against your mind even when you have no strength or intent to go against it.
      I do this in numerous ways, such as holding onto certain memories and songs for strength (or distraction).
      To cope with anger I trivialize what I feel. For instance, when I experience road rage, I swear, then I blow the biggest raspberry I can at the other driver, hoping they see how silly I look.

      But everyone's different.

      I'm rooting for you as a fellow human being, and hope something here helps you.

    5. #5
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      I don't have much experience with anger problems (except when my BPD caused me to lash out, which happens off my meds, though I'm a "quiet Borderline."). My doc kept trying meds until something worked, though we just changed it up because most meds stop working after I build up a tolerance.

      Meds saved my life and relationships. I am a big supporter of med compliance.

      Of course I'm not trying to criticize or tell you what to do, and I sincerely am not trying to come off as otherwise.

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