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    Thread: Lonely

    1. #1
      Join Date
      Nov 2018

      Default Lonely

      So I've been self-injuring since I was 6 (19 years), and I'm about two or three weeks clean. But I feel like I'm on the verge of another relapse. Part of it is that I'm battling ptsd and depression, and part of it is that I just got into a new relationship and when they're with me, I feel so good that when they're gone, I get lonely and depressed. I told them I'd try to stop self-injuring, but right now I just miss my... tool that I self-injure with so much. I always self-injured when I was lonely or depressed, and right now, I'm both. I don't know if I just miss my partner, or if it's more than that. Because I feel like if it were just that, then calling or texting them would solve the problem, but (spoilers) it didn't. I don't know if this is the start of a depressive episode, or if I genuinely need a lifestyle change so that I don't feel lonely and depressed and useless when I go home and am all alone. I guess my question (after all the rambling) is how do I deal with the fact that the desire to self-injure is always coming back?

    2. #2
      Moderator/Admin calypso's Avatar
      Join Date
      Jan 2011
      My Mood


      Self harm can be very addictive and once you are on the roller coaster it can be hard to stop. YOu have managed for a while now which is brilliant. I think we have tramways in the brain and the ruts are deep in behaviour we are used to. Breaking out of those ruts means challenging yourself and forming new ruts which are healthier. Its difficult, and I talk as one who used to self harm myself.

      I don't believe in distraction methods that mimic the self harm as it reinforces it - things suggested like a rubber band on the wrist or drawing on your body in red ink etc. I think it requires a whole new approach. There is a book I recommend called "Emotional Hijacking" by Marlene Schneider Potter. Its written very simply and gets across all kinds of techniques to deal with the emotional behaviour we all experience on here. Its worth a thought.

      I hope others will be along soon to help you as well.
      A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor
      Likes Foxjo liked this post.

    3. #3
      Forum Safety Team Foxjo's Avatar
      Join Date
      Jan 2012


      Hi and welcome to the forum!
      Its a hard question. You've identified the triggers which is always a good start. Knowing when you might be triggered can help you set in place safety tactics. For me i would make a plan to do something if i knew i was going to be left alone for a length of time (i too have separation anxiety) this mainly is cross stitch as it helps take my mind off the time and also gives my hands something to do.

      It really is a personal thing, i agree that the rubber band and ice cubes etc are not healthy and can still be addictive. Depending on how you do it i believe it can also be classed as self harming in my opinion. I truly understand the addicitiveness of self harm, i am 6 months self harm free but i do still have wobbles. I know that the urges will pass and i ride it out. I know how painful it is mentally but it does pass eventually. Its about not giving in i guess.

      Have you had any therapy in the past? If not talk to your doctor about talking therapies might be useful to talk about how you are feeling?
      What doesn't kill me makes me Stronger

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