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    Thread: Not eating enough

    1. #1
      Senior Member bippie71's Avatar
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      Default Not eating enough

      This has only happened a couple times in my life. When my depression starts to spiral, I stop eating. Once I didn’t eat anything for 2 weeks. Losing a small amount. But since my depression and suicide ideation is a major battle right now, I’ve stopped eating a lot as well. Roughly just (moderated) calories a day. And much less of that is liquid. My energy is falling and spending loads of time in bed. Stretches of 2 to 3 days inside. I eventually need to go out to get cat food. I’m just not seeing the point now and that falls to eating as well.
      Last edited by calypso; 15-10-18 at 12:42. Reason: Putting in specific amounts of calories not permitted in forum - edited
      I can barely conceive of a type of beauty in which there is no melancholy. Charles Baudelaire
      Hug SunnyDaze hugged this poster.

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      Senior Member bippie71's Avatar
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      Thanks. Yes, my entire life right now is a form of self punishment. My very existence. I hate it. I had audible last month, free and got my 2 free audibles. I’m out of free now. Because I can’t afford to pay $14.95 or half that (they offered me half when I said it was too expensive). For $8 I can do two loads of laundry and I can only afford to do 1 load. So, I wouldn’t spend that money on audible.

      I’m just in a bad place right now. And I’m tired of it all.
      I can barely conceive of a type of beauty in which there is no melancholy. Charles Baudelaire

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      I am so sorry that you are struggling like this right now! I know it's a tough spot to be in. Depression steals so much from us and often sends us into unhealthy ways of coping when we feel like our life is spinning out of control. It's not an easy road to have to walk, but I want you to know you don't have to walk it alone. There are many who understand what you are going through, so I'm so happy to see you here posting and sharing your struggles. I know that probably wasn't easy to do!
      You say that much of how your are acting out is self punishment. Why do you feel you need to punish yourself? Why do you hate yourself so much? Do you feel unworthy? Like a failure? I know that was how I often felt when I was spiraling.
      If that is the case, I want you to know that you are worthy. You are deserving of love. You are valuable. Your past and your mistakes in life do not define you. They are not who you are! Believing that is believing a lie! You are worthy of so much more then what life is currently offering you. You have a great purpose in this world and are needed. Don't listen to the lies in your head. They will only continue to carry you down this dark road! Are you seeing a therapist at all? If you are not, please seek one out. They can help you deal with and understand what you are feeling and help you learn new ways of coping. I know it's not easy, but reach out for support, whether that be friends and loved ones or support groups for eating disorders/depression in your area. Please know that you are not alone. I don't know your spiritual beliefs, but I will be praying for you!

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      Senior Member bippie71's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by agse01 View Post
      I am so sorry that you are struggling like this right now! I know it's a tough spot to be in. Depression steals so much from us and often sends us into unhealthy ways of coping when we feel like our life is spinning out of control. It's not an easy road to have to walk, but I want you to know you don't have to walk it alone. There are many who understand what you are going through, so I'm so happy to see you here posting and sharing your struggles. I know that probably wasn't easy to do!
      You say that much of how your are acting out is self punishment. Why do you feel you need to punish yourself? Why do you hate yourself so much? Do you feel unworthy? Like a failure? I know that was how I often felt when I was spiraling.
      If that is the case, I want you to know that you are worthy. You are deserving of love. You are valuable. Your past and your mistakes in life do not define you. They are not who you are! Believing that is believing a lie! You are worthy of so much more then what life is currently offering you. You have a great purpose in this world and are needed. Don't listen to the lies in your head. They will only continue to carry you down this dark road! Are you seeing a therapist at all? If you are not, please seek one out. They can help you deal with and understand what you are feeling and help you learn new ways of coping. I know it's not easy, but reach out for support, whether that be friends and loved ones or support groups for eating disorders/depression in your area. Please know that you are not alone. I don't know your spiritual beliefs, but I will be praying for you!
      Yes, I am a total failure. Start dissecting decisions from 5 years ago. Im just edgy right now. Had to really put distance between me and family. Friends... meh. My last day of work is next week, no job. I have interviews but no one is willing to pay me a livable salary. Basically, after commuting there, Id be paying them to work. Id have to use my credit card to pay for basics. Its so F up! Im tired of it all. Had to start taking vitamins and nutritional shakes as my hair started thinning. Im screaming on the inside.
      I can barely conceive of a type of beauty in which there is no melancholy. Charles Baudelaire

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      Default hugs

      My hair is thinning too. You must be so smart to be able to get hired!. Some people aren't able to work

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      Senior Member bippie71's Avatar
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      Lifes moved on without me. I was smart. My time has come and gone.
      I can barely conceive of a type of beauty in which there is no melancholy. Charles Baudelaire

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      I hear that the government pays for some people to get nurses aide training.

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      Senior Member bippie71's Avatar
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      I get sick looking at blood, urine, or feces on the tv or YouTube. Imagine in person �� I’m thinking of going back to school. Just for a certificate or my doctorate. Not sure. Have to be careful with taking out right loans that can be discharged. No private loans are ever discharged.. ever. Even when a person dies, the estate has to pay for it.
      I can barely conceive of a type of beauty in which there is no melancholy. Charles Baudelaire

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      Default wow a doctorate

      You are so smart! I guess you must like journals. Did you know that Coursera has some free uni courses. I'm sorry for recommending the nurses aide course. Surprisingly there are some people in that course who found their degree didn't take them anywhere. My grandpa got a doctorate when he was fifty. My grandma had to support him while he did it.

    10. #10
      Senior Member bippie71's Avatar
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      No, I’m just full of a lot of ideas. Putting them together, that’s something totally different. Doctorates aren’t what they used to be, unless going into the sciences, medicine, etc. I want something not so intense but useful. No way I’d spend 6 years. So looking for 3-4. It’s Monday and too much crap has unfolded on the east coast. I’m just south of Pittsburgh and full on disgusted with the state of the US.
      I can barely conceive of a type of beauty in which there is no melancholy. Charles Baudelaire

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