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    Thread: Need advice please.

    1. #1
      Active Member Iamsoconfused's Avatar
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      Default Need advice please.

      Hi, I was wondering how to deal with my father. I don't have a very good relationship with him because he abused me as a kid. I can count on him for some help when I need him. He repairs things I need.

      Basically the point is, for at least the last ten years, I've noticed he doesn't answer his phone calls when I called to wish him a happy father's day. He doesn't reply to my emails if I write to him, and he won't reply to my text messages on father's day either.

      I have sometimes told him I tried contacting him and he said he never got it. Or gives me an excuse about his phone battery dying and he disappears for days. Basically I find his actions very hurtful as he was very emotionally distant to me growing up and cruel at times also.

      He says that I am the distant one and won't acknowledge how his behaviors when I was little have hurt me. I don't know what to do, I feel very angry today as he ignored my text wishing him a happy father's day yesterday. I want to insult him but I don't know if that's going to help. I just feel so bad. I don't know how to deal with a person like my dad. I love him but I don't know how to handle his behavior. I am crying and very upset.
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      Hi!

      I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Learning how to communicate and interact with people, including our loved ones, isn't always easy. There's always something in the past or even present that causes some obstacles between two people.

      I noticed that you mentioned a lot about emails, calls and text messages. Have you tried seeing him in person? I can understand if this is tough but maybe he's just trying to show that he wants to see you in person. He might have trouble communicating that across due to various reasons. I find that a lot of things can be resolved easier if we talk to a person face to face. There are things phone call and emails cannot accomplish where a simple visit in person could.

      Only thing I can think of is try to see him in person and spend a few days. Talk to him and share with him your feelings and thoughts. I hope this helps!

    3. #3
      Active Member Iamsoconfused's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by Rick(amateur) View Post
      Hi!

      I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Learning how to communicate and interact with people, including our loved ones, isn't always easy. There's always something in the past or even present that causes some obstacles between two people.

      I noticed that you mentioned a lot about emails, calls and text messages. Have you tried seeing him in person? I can understand if this is tough but maybe he's just trying to show that he wants to see you in person. He might have trouble communicating that across due to various reasons. I find that a lot of things can be resolved easier if we talk to a person face to face. There are things phone call and emails cannot accomplish where a simple visit in person could.

      Only thing I can think of is try to see him in person and spend a few days. Talk to him and share with him your feelings and thoughts. I hope this helps!
      Thank you Rick for answering, I really appreciate it. It's very reassuring sometimes to share this stuff and it helped to get a reply.

      I do see him in person sometimes but it's usually for things like fixing stuff. My husband is usually with us as well. I might try to talk to him in person. There is a lot of poor communication skills from both sides so there's usually a lot of silence when we're together. It's a very uncomfortable situation and it's so hard to be hopeful.

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      Sharing these stuff helps because we all have something we want to say but don't know where to say it.

      I think that, before the next time you talk with him, try making a list of things you want to talk about. It can uncomfortable but at least you won't go blank and don't know what to say. Regardless of what happens, go through the entire list. Communicating with others is never easy and takes practice. It might take awhile but it will be worth it when you and your father can communicate with more ease. I feel that, until this is resolved, you will be unable to really move forward in life.

      I wish you best of luck!

    5. #5
      Senior Member NeedHaldol's Avatar
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      I can feel your pain. At this point, I do not really communicate with my family after my dad died about 6 years ago.

      My mom called me yesterday and left a voicemail about talking with her - I did not answer. I don't want to talk to her, but see it as my obligation to do so because my dad and I were super close.

      I talk to my dad's best friend occasionally during the year and once a week once ND football starts - my dad was brought up on ND football by his parents and did the same with me. My dad's friend gets me 2 tickets to a game every year. He was in the band when he attended and so has access to lots of tickets now. I have been to a couple of games with him since my father past. It makes me feel close to my father by talking to him.

      It's just the opposite with my family. I don't feel a connection with them and feel much closer to my in-laws.

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