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    Thread: Should I worry about this?

    1. #1
      Senior Member blurrypeach's Avatar
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      Default Should I worry about this?

      Hello everyone. Lately I've been hearing voices inside my head and I dont know if I should worry about this or if it's actually normal.
      My voices have a personality and each looks in a different way (but they all have my face); please note I can control them, however, to a certain extent, meaning I can usually decide whether I want to listen to them or not, but even if I "shut them up", they're still there living inside me, and I feel like they're just being obedient to me, not that I can actually control them in the real sense of the term.

      Basically, they are all part of me/my personality, and they help me survive. There's Strong, dressed in black, very elegant, always standing, who is incapable of feeling some emotions (like sadness or happiness) and generally controls the other voices. I like her the best. In the morning I usually talk to her and say, "Ok, take control, I need to feel nothing." She always gladly complies. If I ever feel anything I do not want to feel - which most of the time, I dont want to feel anything at all - I specifically ask her to help me. Sometimes in order to do that, when I cannot get a hold of myself she slaps me (not physically though, it's as if she's slapping my current self) and tells me "this is for the best", "this is for a greater good".

      Then there's an unnamed voice, who is always crying on the ground and never, ever stands up or stops crying. She's dressed in a pink top and pink pants. When she tries to stand up, Strong literally kicks her or beats her up until she goes back to her corner. And I really, really don't like her. Sometimes if the unnamed crying voice influences me (which is bad because I usually have suicidal thoughts after that), Strong has to come and tell me it's going to be okay and that she won't make me feel sad ever again, and somehow her words soothe my mind and my anxiety goes away. Unnamed crying voice is the most annoying and resistent to my commands. It's as if I can constantly hear her faint crying, 24/7, and she does NOT want to stop even if I tell her to be quiet.

      Then there's Happy, who's dressed in a colorful dress and is constantly laughing and smiling genuinely, dancing or jumping or running around. I don't exactly love her, but at least her company is more enjoyable than the crying one's. Happy is always standing somewhere kind of high where I can see her, talk to her if I wish, but she has to help me climb up, IF I want to talk to her "face to face". She came out pretty recently and I've interacted with her only once.

      And finally the last voice looks like me, as a child. That's the True Me, if that makes sense. She is always behind a big closed door, never complaining or coming out; I can open it very easily if I want to, but everytime I do, it is almost physically painful. I feel pain in my chest and I begin crying uncontrollably. Even as I'm writing this I need to resist the urge to cry... I love my child self, I love her with all of my heart, body and soul and if she ever got hurt (though that's kind of impossible since she is only inside my head, but I don't know) it would make me. So. Mad. Everytime I try and talk to her I end up hugging her tight, desperately crying on her shoulder, telling her everything's going to be alright and all that kind of stuff. And she just understands and hugs back silently.

      I really don't want to sound like I'm faking this or making all of this up, please, please believe me when I say this is all true to me.

      If this additional info can be useful in any way: I've been through trauma and generally just had a very hard childhood and teenage years (I'm 18). I used to self harm when I was 13-14 and currently suffer from depression and sometimes have suicidal thoughts. If you need any more info don't be afraid to ask.


      So my final question is: is this a normal way to cope with trauma and stress? Should I tell my psychologist about this? Is there a possibility for this to get worse?

      - - - Updated - - -

      I also wanted to add that they are in different positions. Happy is on my right, Strong is in front of me or on my left, unnamed crying voice is in front of me but far away, and child me is behind a door on the left.
      Last edited by Helena1; 12-01-17 at 08:54. Reason: self harm specifics removed as per the forum guidelines
      Hug burt tomato hugged this poster.

    2. #2
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      I wouldn't worry, it sounds like your mind is just trying to cope. I would tell a psychologist, they know loads of normal people have voices and won't freak out when you tell them. I wouldn't worry but they might teach you how to lower the volume of the upsetting one who crys. Maybe that one symbolises your depression, which they can help you recover from. Voices can become intrusive when I'm stressed but not everyone's do so. One thing you could do is try and focus on outside your head, eg making yourself concentrate on drawing a picture or watching tv. Apparently lots of people who aren't mentally ill have voices, it's only if the voices are disruptive that it gets labelled as an illness, so you're not weird for having voices, it sounds like you have coped really well. Good luck, depression is horrible, I hope you are getting onto a more positive stage of your life now.x
      Thanks blurrypeach gave thanks for this post.

    3. #3
      Senior Member blurrypeach's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by Pixieb34 View Post
      I wouldn't worry, it sounds like your mind is just trying to cope. I would tell a psychologist, they know loads of normal people have voices and won't freak out when you tell them. I wouldn't worry but they might teach you how to lower the volume of the upsetting one who crys. Maybe that one symbolises your depression, which they can help you recover from. Voices can become intrusive when I'm stressed but not everyone's do so. One thing you could do is try and focus on outside your head, eg making yourself concentrate on drawing a picture or watching tv. Apparently lots of people who aren't mentally ill have voices, it's only if the voices are disruptive that it gets labelled as an illness, so you're not weird for having voices, it sounds like you have coped really well. Good luck, depression is horrible, I hope you are getting onto a more positive stage of your life now.x
      Thank you so much for your reply. I was kind of worried but your words reassured me. And yes, at least Strong is actually helping me so much copying with my depression, so... I'm happy to have her. I'll tell my psychologist and hope she can help me as you said.

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