OP. I´m´totally new on this form, so this will be my first response. I like the fact that you´re hair dresser sensed your mood. Today I woke up around 12:30 and immediately felt dimmed down, with my mouth corners pointing downwards. I often feel eager, even when I´m with the best(my good friends), my life is filled with stress..or I fill life with stress. I am thankful for being born and for being brought up in this world, something my mother did all by herself with 3 kids. I never had a dad to teach me how to bike, my brother did...I´m thankful for that. In tough situations my sister always did her best to help me, althought she has been through a lot of pain during her years living being bipolar. I´m thankful for my brother, but I wish he could talk more. He´s a "tough" guy, a man who does not cry at funerals, a man with defense mechanism of an darn nation, pushes away his feelings and keeps them buried. One might think you are alone crying, everyone cries when they are alone, more or less. I am thankful for my family.
I am thankful that I didn't cry during my niece's baptism or the service that followed. I used to be a religious junkie, but after a very painful church experience, I have done an about face, and the few times that family obligations require my presence at church I usually cry through the whole service. My sister's church is very small, so if I had cried, everyone would have noticed, so I am very grateful that I didn't cry.
Church with my parents.
I'm feeling optimistic again. Anxiety of last two days has gone. I'm grateful for this forum, I can let my thoughts run out on the keyboard and have a conversation about something, or some people tolerate me babbling away.
It's somehow a bit nicer in my head, things move more and it doesn't get clogged up.
(Or maybe people don't but they won't tell me, which I'm grateful for)
despite the lack of any meaningful support i've still got my head above the water, how much longer will i be able to say that?