Am I to blame for what's happened to me?

[Gajolene]

Definately you are a survivor, now you can set standards in what you will and will not accept in people and how they treat you, by learning from the past and what you continue to learn as you thrive and grow as a person. I had similar youth experiences and remind myself at that time I was a child/teen and had no way of knowing how to protect myself, now I am a woman, a strong survivor and can. Great that you have a supportive boyfriend and lots of support to lean on. Hope your feeling better.

[ABsea]

I find that the best of people on this planet suffer the most. Its a test to see how strong your soul really is.
Some people believe its God that makes you carry the heaviest cross when he believes you are strong enough. personally i am not very religiouse but keeping an open mind never hurts.
Try to think of how much stronger your experiences made you rather than how pissed you are at the world. Never feed the hate.

[OobieMoobie]

I find that the best of people on this planet suffer the most. Its a test to see how strong your soul really is.
Some people believe its God that makes you carry the heaviest cross when he believes you are strong enough. personally i am not very religiouse but keeping an open mind never hurts.
Try to think of how much stronger your experiences made you rather than how pissed you are at the world. Never feed the hate.

I think that's where it gets a little more philosophical. I'm unsure if I believe in destiny/determinism - I know I believe in some form of diety, supernatural being type thing but I don't know what to think about the notion that our lives are planned out for us.

Everyone gets a handful of cards, and not all those cards are good. However it seems that time and time again the same person gets the same card, just in different forms.

I'm also not sure what to think about the 'it always happens to nice people' point of view. Are these people nice from the outset, or are they nice because they understand how important nice people are?

In many ways I'm grown and developed, I'm proud of how far I've come. I'm proud that I managed to keep an open mind and heart instead of being dictated by my lack of trust. I've managed to come through what happened to me, but I still don't think I could handle being hurt again. Even me saying that at the young age of 18 makes me sad - I've barely reached adulthood but the world/people in it has already hurt me more than I can take. That's not to be overdramatic - that's how I feel.

I've spent so long trying to find a reason for it all, because it all seems too much to be a coincidence. Logically I know that my mum's treatment of me left me vulnerable. Would my life had been different if she'd nurtured a different personality from me? I don't know, it's all musings in the end.

[Tatty]

I'm not much older than you Oobie; maybe a few months?

We're still babies in comparison to everyone else on the planet, and it's so unfair that we've already decided our 'fate' when people twice or three times our age still aren't sure of themselves.

It's really shitty.

[Gajolene]

You two young ones have so much more information and help available to you that us older folks (I'm 46)didn't have, therapies have become much more tailored to the needs of patients too. Medications are better and you have all this online support available as well as support services for you in your communities and churches.

Your both very mature for your age and empathic while young, so more in tune with your needs, self awareness, and growth and development while still young. There's so much there for you both to get through what your going through now and move on into highly satisfying and happy lives. I have a lot of faith in you both you can do this.

Huge hugs