My Transvestite past; fear of being serial killer; scared for the future

[guyfromuk]

Before i came sexually active, i used to cross dress, which i did because it tied in with my fetish. As soon as i first masturbated, i havent cross dressed since. My fear is that i get aroused by killing, or by death in general, and im scared that im going to become a serial killer, because many of them cross dress.

Also, i have thoughts that this is what really arouses me, and this whole thing about ocd is just a thing im using to cover it up. When i think about it, it makes me start to breath faster, and feel bad, but i get a semi groinal response, but no errection.

Looking directly at bad stuff, which i have done in the past, gives me no arousal, and i can't look at it for more that 5 seconds because it disgusts me. But the ocd i think makes me want to look for disgusting stuff, and want to be aroused by it, i hope; but because of my past with cross dressing, i am really confused as to what i want to be aroused by...

can anyone give me clarity

P.S, i am worried that i still want to cross dress

[sahasrara]

I personally don't think cross dressing is a bad thing or with your feelings, will turn u into a serial killer
Altho a lot of tv programs profile serial killers as cross dressers/ sexually confused I def don't think having one of those traits makes u more likely 2 start killing. Profileing is very complex.
I think ur best bet is to see a professional, mayb having someone to talk things through with will create a bit of clarity for you.
I wouldn't stress out about it 2 much, some people are aroused by much stranger things and everyone is different and everyone changes!
Jess