I have no life!

[rebecca15]

I have been suffering from severe depression for the past 6 months, probably longer. my life has come to a complete stand still. im taking venlafaxine 75mg, mirtazipine 45mg and quetiapine 400mg. although i dont quite feel as bad as i did i have no motivation, inclination, cant sleep, no appitite and half the time dont really know how i feel. i battle with thoughts of suicide daily.
Will my life ever get back to normal, ive forgotten what normal is! How do i make the steps to move forward. When i go out i suffer severe anxiety and start wretching. therefor haven't been out for weeks and weeks. my life is so shit and i can't seem to change it. i need advice!

[shrew]

Did your doctor refer you for counselling at all or are you waiting for it?

If they have simply prescribed you drugs, to me, that is wrong. You need somebody to give you time, focus on your problems and get to the root of it all, not just give a "quick fix" pill that won't fix things on its own. I am quite angry if that is the case.

Do you know why you are feeling depressed and unhappy? Is there anything that has triggered it that you can think of?

I hope you are ok - here to listen and understand

[bert tomato]

I have been suffering from severe depression for the past 6 months, probably longer. my life has come to a complete stand still. im taking venlafaxine 75mg, mirtazipine 45mg and quetiapine 400mg. although i dont quite feel as bad as i did i have no motivation, inclination, cant sleep, no appitite and half the time dont really know how i feel. i battle with thoughts of suicide daily.
Will my life ever get back to normal, ive forgotten what normal is! How do i make the steps to move forward. When i go out i suffer severe anxiety and start wretching. therefor haven't been out for weeks and weeks. my life is so shit and i can't seem to change it. i need advice!

You are going through a medicated phase in your life. While the question of whether you should be medicated remains for another day, the fact is, this is your situation.

I would not worry about 'not having a life' - this is in fact another symptom of your illness. It is anxiety and a call for help.

Make sure your basic needs are being met? Are they? Things such as hot food, dry shelter, clothes and family?

Please tell us?

[rebecca15]

I, think it was work that triggered it but have'nt been at work for 6 months and don't feel any better. I have been seen by the crisis team but they are a short term service and have discharged me because its well over thier 'time limit' if you like. they have refered me to a longer term CPN but am on a waiting list. and still waiting! I live with my husband who understands to some degree. I have never been good at talking, tend to put things in boxes in my brain and leave them there. My shrink was supposed to refer me for talking therapy but nothing came of it. One day is just rolling into the next, im getting about 3hrs sleep a night so am perminatly knackered and have racing thoughts that keep me awake. i just seem to be in such a bad place that scares me. cant be bothered to eat cant be bothered to have a bath. how bad is that? How do i start the road to recovery? i cant continue like this. Thankyou so much for your reply.

[debjs]

I feel the same way-I am depressed, confused, overmedicated and don't know if I will ever have any sort of life again.

[rebecca15]

Its bloody awful hay? i seem to be so far away from where i used to be and really don't know how to get back there. I've only just got dressed and that took 8hrs of thinking about it! how bads that?! Are you seeing anyone for proffessional help? I does my head in that i've been put on all this medication, they don't change it, they just add more to it. I have no emotins and half the time am in a world of my own. surely thats not right??

[rebecca15]

Hi Peter, work was very stressful and full of really nasty people. I think i got burnout but just carried on. I worked shifts and not a run of the same shift, i had earlies, lates and nights all in the same week. first started not sleeping on nights then it just got so bad that i was'nt sleeping at all. then everything just spiraled downwards. i think i had beed depressed for a long time but didn't acctually realise it, well not until i fell off the cliff so to speek!
I feel that i am just living an existance and half the time can not see past 3 O'clock in the afternoon let alone the next day!!

[monalisasmile]

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low. I was in the same space a year ago- depressed, couldnt eat or sleep, the thought of talking to someone or seeing them or going anywhere made me anxious to the point of shaking and crying. I was terried and felt lonely and pointless, I just wanted to disappear and I hated myself. It took a lot of work to get where I am now, I still have bad days but things have gotten so much better. This time last year I really couldnt imagine ever feeling anything less than depressed and worthless. I just want to share what I felt helped me and I hope you'll try some of these and they'll be of use to you. Firstly I talked to my family and friends about how I was feeling. I was afraid for so long to be totally honest and it wasnt easy to get the words out but once I did having a support system did so much help. Then I started counselling which is really so valuable, just getting yourself to talk and realising what is truely causing you to feel so bad and what you want to change and really help you to move forward. It takes a while to even feel a slight difference but once you do, its such a relief. I started a routine, not vague plans or goals but a certain routine I would stick to so that I had to do these things and get myself out of the house and trying things. For instance I picked times to sleep and wake up so that I could try and make a sleeping pattern which helped to improve sleeping a little. I scheduled meal times to try and boost my appetite and to make myself actually eat. I found having a set time encouraged me to eat at least a few bites which was an improvement. I took up volunteering, which at first was really hard to go out and meet new people but once I started it got a little easier. It was teeny tiny steps but it was better than standing still. It helps if its something you feel passionate towards so perhaps a hooby you enjoy would do the same. Or if it helps, bring a long a friend or your husband to reduce some anxiety? I started writing a blog where I could express myself and try to figure out things in my own mind, worked a little like talking therapy. You should give it a try anyway and see if its your thing. One of the most important things I found was yoga and meditation. These really helped me to reduce anxiety and negative feelings. I found myself able to visualise feeling more than depressed for the first time in ages. I've heard similar good reports from others suffering depression and anxiety. There are a lot of wonderful meditation videos on youtube for relaxation and positive thinking which can help motivate you. There are also a lot of videos on youtube to do with relaxing music and a thing called "asmr" which is basically relaxing sounds and whispering which helps to relax a lot of people. I always use these when I cant sleep and although sometimes it can take an hour or more it rarely fails to help me sleep.

I hope you find some of these useful. I know this is a dark time but you can get through this. Never forget that.