Emotion and hurt

[amyjaney1994]

You shouldn't have to bother with me and waste your time on me I dont deserve it
I'm 21
If you give up with me it's fine too I'm a Moany negative cow and I know im draining on people sorry for bringing you down I'm selfish x

This is what this forum is for!! dont be silly.
But what is said on the forum STAYS on the forum because there are sharks out there who will chew you up and spit you out if that makes sense? in other words when you are down people will kick you down unless they are trust worthy. just speaking from my personal experience

xx

[aleshadxcherylc]

thanks amy
im thinking death is the only option for me at the moment
xx

[aleshadxcherylc]

I ended with another counseller today as i had too not my descion as i couldnt see her and my private therapist at the same time due to me waiting for pyscotherapy for 6 months. The counseller said to me at the end i want you to have faith that now all therapists endings are not bad and some can be happy and she wanted me to open up to my private therapist more so i can work through the thoughts and feelings.
Even though i wasnt sad at the ending of never seeing this counseller again as it was only 6 weeks id seen her it brought the whole Laura situation back to me again about my ending with her
they all thought id get over it in a week 3 months on and the pain and the feeling for her is still there.
Why do i wish for things i can never have i noticed something today when i was talking to my counseller i felt awful like i said once which never normally happened as it was near christmas and there wasnt a surgary open so we had to find somewhere else before i walked out of the session as CBT is about changing things even slightly she said maybe when you walk out of this room you can walk up with your head held a little higher and your shoulders down, i think did she actually mean that? when i walked out of that session there was someone waiting and she went in and they both smiled and said hello to each other and i felt awful but i felt jealous as she was spending time with her and being with her i know its theapy but still and then now i still feel jealous and envious of people who are seeing her now instead of me as they are now getting their time with her they are having their experiences with her and i had mine and i wasted mine and i wish with what i know now i could start the 20 weeks with her again and do the CBT but again wishing for things i cant ever have i know im an awwful person and evil horrible for being jealous just wishing that was me again not wasting her expertise when i could have really used her knowledge and i fricking failed and wasted it!!!. Hope she lives up to her promise and goes private!
i do wonder did she ever like me was it her descion to let me go was it all her or the team descion did she want to get rid of me? probably as if she wanted to see me she would have carried on seeing me till the 20th week so she didnt so she hates me and i dont blame her, i bet she hated and dreaded our sessions i bet im the talk of their office as ive annoyed them and asked them questions asking to take me back and why it happened so i bet they are like oh no not her again they didnt answer my last referal so they all hate me now and would never take me back on even though they said they would in the future but not after this i wouldnt think so
But the odd thing is she probably hates me but i like her!. i feel an awful person for being jealous im evil and horrible
oh just end my life i hate it!!!!!!!!!!!

[aleshadxcherylc]

why can't I be normal and why are the feelings still there

[aleshadxcherylc]

please let me die i want things i cant have i cant keep putting on an act everyone thinking im ok and im not im drained
thanks i cant talk to her or see her its tearing me apart i cant do it
Therapies couldnt care less thinking i can cope for 6 months they give up on me dont think i need help i obviously dont need help
thanks let me go now im tired and i want death it seems like im in right now anyway im in a daze and i feel nothing im numb and in pain stupid i know

[tentgirl]

Hun

Are you safe right now? Please keep talking. Change is really hard and it sucks and I know that you miss her badly. You are in pain right now. You've mentioned in the past re autism or Aspergers and I know that there difficulties make it hard to cope with change. It sounds like you didn't have the chance to go through a carefully planned programme of change that you clearly needed. We're with you. I know online probably sucks too bodies I could hug you, I would. Babes, are you safe? I am worried about you

Sarah Xx

[chaz24]

This is obviously a really tuff timefor u as i nw bcos ive just split up with my girlfriendhe hardest thing ever and i didnt want to break up cos i was madly inlove with her but i didnt realise she didnt feel the same about me after 2 years of being together i plucked the courage to walk and altho i regret every minute bcos i love her i needed to do it for myself the same as u need to get urself better hun there is a light at the end of the tunnel i am holdin on to that hope bcos i need there to be but u dun wana end ur life in now right naw u feel like nothing and like lifes crap and cant get better but it will hun please be strong people care about u xxx

[aleshadxcherylc]

thank you all

im nevre going to get over it all so i dont see the point in me going to therapy im selfish im horrible as im jealous of her seeing others im horrible!
i cant move on and im trying but i cant so death seems like the only option
xx

[aleshadxcherylc]

F it all !