I have had a lot of Schizophrenia symptoms come and go. I've had delusions, hallucinations, paranoia, and pretty much everything else attributed to Schizophrenia. However, all of those symptoms are mild and they come and go (but when they come they can be strong).
My point is, they come and go, so I'm confused as to what is wrong in my head. One thing that definitely lingers on, day in and day out, is this feeling of complete emptiness and hopelessness. It sets on mostly at night, when I'm alone (albeit I'd much rather be alone). Its been going on for a while, but most of the time I feel lonely with this chronic fatigue and feelings of emptiness and hopelessness. Sometimes, I feel this euphoria set upon me and I feel good, but then it goes away just as fast as it came. I have these moments when Im afraid to talk to people because I get anxious and no matter how hard I try, I can't smile.
I also get this weird feeling in my head, a tingling sensation. It feels like their are magnets in my head. Its hard to explain. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Its sort of a 'mental' malaise. This feeling plus the chronic fatigue and emptiness have made me contemplate suicide. I know I wont do it, I just think of what it would be like to be dead. But I will not do it. I don't know what is wrong with me. I know I need to go to the doctor but its not an option now. This anxiety and paranoia has stopped me from going out in public. I also feel confused a lot and I am easily irritated and agitated. I'm writing in a hurry so I'm sorry of everything's mixed up (I have to go to work). But I don't feel like going out, or moving, or going to work. I'll be stuck alone (well, with dogs) in the dark, feeling empty and lonely, talking to myself...