Scared I'll be sectioned or unsupported

[razza]

it's ok, a lot of the stuff with my family happened before I joined the forum, so I dont mind explaining it a bit...

My family have been unsupportive from the start. Undermining all my attempts to get support, saying that my GP, my psychologists etc were witch doctors basically, kind of just all in it for the money kind of thing.
When I went into hospital, they tried to blackmail and coerce me into coming home, not so that they could support me, more the we don't want the embarrassment of having a daughter in a psych ward... It was always about what was best for them, not for me...

I tried family meetings, tried having my supports phone them, tried taking mum to my appointments.

I tried writing letters about how I was feeling. Even this year when they were being emotionally abusive and threatening me, threatening to kick me out too etc I wrote letters to try to explain.

It always becomes how I am somehow attacking them, or I have everything wrong, when my supports have recognised themselves that I haven't, they would have interpreted the same words and actions the same way.

I got to a place, where my supports were working with me to try and accept that there are some kinds of support my parents can and cannot provide. To try and protect myself from the hurt and pain... Sometimes that is easier than other times, but it is always incredibly hard....


I already got a 2 week extension on the assignment. My new due date is Thursday. He was reluctant to give me longer because he wants me to have some exam prep time. The university is aware, but not my tutor. I have told him I have been unwell but not elaborated... I don't know the procedures as it is my first trimester at this university.


The thing that really gets me about the FB group, its motto is "WE CARE"

[Tatty]

Ha! If they care they wouldn't turn on you when asking for support, calling you an attention seeker, jumping on you for deleting threads and accusing you of flaming. Honestly, let the "support" group go, you're better than that.

Sorry, I didn't realise about your family. I can somewhat relate. My dad has suffered from depression for as long as I can remember, always shouting and getting angry over nothing, I was terrified of him. He's mellowed out an awful lot now, he's more like my friend than my dad. Anyway, a year ago I'd stopped going into college more or less altogether and spending a lot more time on the computer, using the forum. My mum took it upon herself to go through my FB and e-mails... she'd read some pretty incriminating stuff I'd shared with a close friend, including the fact I'd been seeing a married man I'm not proud of myself, ashamed and disgusted in fact, and I'd expressed that when talking to my friend. But she sent me a text, probably a few days after that, asking if I'd been messing on with a married man. I lied and said no, I knew she'd been in my stuff because I checked the computer history. She twigged on that I wasn't well, and sent me a message asking if there was something I wanted to tell her, because she had a "feeling" there was something going on. So I told her about my depression, thinking she'd understand and be supportive because of my dad. She wasn't. She undermined everything I said and made me out to be melodramatic - saying I was just stressed and having regular teenage mood swings. On a couple of occasions she'd ask "how is the depression going?" - how the hell do you answer that?! We were watching a program about someone who'd attempted suicide, and she bluntly said "you'd better not try killing yourself mind!" I kept quiet, couldn't tell her I already had a few months ago.. She still isn't supportive, she's pushed me away and we stopped speaking for 6 months. I told her I was on AD's and she said "What?!" so I repeated myself and she said nothing.

Oh god I'm rambling away on your thread. Sorry.

You could let your tutor know your history... they're there to support you, not penalise you or throw you off a course if you come to them with a problem.

[razza]

Hey it's ok Bob!

I was the same, I thought that maybe because we have a family history of mental illness, that they would maybe understand, at least a little. I think that's why it hurts so much that they don't, because it is not like it is 'new' to this family. My younger brother (17) was even being treated with prozac for a milder depression at the time, so it really hurt that they supported and understood "his" condition but didn't even seem to want to attempt to understand mine.

Even if they don't understand, I would have settled for some empathy and compassion and kindness around it. Not outright undermining and invalidation.

It's like they have memorised every part of the "What NOT to say to people with depression and anxiety" handbook and have adopted it as their mantra for living

Sigh, I really don't know what to do about my tutor... I feel like I have to FORCE myself to sit down and do the assignment, and not just in a usual procrastinators way. Like physical pressure myself, go against everything my mind and body is telling me I need, in order to do this assignment that I know has to be done...

I know doing that, as I have done in the past, will likely make me worse, make me more unwell. I just don't know what to do

[Whistle]

You should leave this faceblog group. Keep yourself out of harms way as much as you are able. Depressed people need to keep away from negativity.

regarding you being a therapist? Yes you are screwed up at the moment, but you will not always be. It is those who recover from depression etc... that become top rate therapists.

The faceblog person has far more problems than you do. That should make you smile at the very least.

Do your coursework and prepare for your bright future. You do have one by the way.

[Tatty]

I'm guessing that because your brother had mild depression, your parents felt it was easier to support him, whereas you've got a lot more complex issues and they just don't really "get it".

I know you said if you do this assignment it will be like you're forcing yourself to do it, and that you'll probably feel worse, but do you think that if you do it, and get it out of the way, you'll feel a lot better, having one less thing to worry about for the time being. You've got so much going on right now, and I think if you do it now then it will be easier for you in the long run

[pepecat]

It's like they have memorised every part of the "What NOT to say to people with depression and anxiety" handbook and have adopted it as their mantra for living

I wonder if it's anything to do with your grandad committing suicide? Who's father was he (mum or dad, i mean)? I guess if they''ve not properly gotten over that, and there's all the guilt of 'we should have seen it', 'should have been able to do something", 'why didn't we know' etc, then maybe them not being helpful with you is their way of dealing (badly) with it. Maybe somehow you remind them of your grandad, and they don't want to go back there again, so they just block it and pretend it's not happening. Maybe they're scared that you're going to commit suicide too, and again, they don't want to think about it so again pretend it's not happening.

I dunno - just a thought that struck me as i was reading your posts.

[razza]

I don't know...

It was mum's dad. She doesn't talk about her parents much, except at special times of the year and their birthdays and certain anniversaries...

He died about 10 years ago, when I was 16. I was always told he died of a "broken heart", my grandma had died 2 or so months before from aggressive cancer found too late for treatment...

I don't know the "how" of how he committed suicide... my mum did tell my first psychologist but when she dismissed me, she took that secret with her... It was only last year that I even found out he left a "note"...

The thing my mum always said was that he didn't give his new medication, antidepressants, enough time, a chance to work...

That is one of the things I am really confused about... On one hand she says my grandad should have given his medication more time, should have given the support the time to work...

But from the beginning, way before I had any kinds of suicidal thoughts, she was undermining the support I was trying to get, saying they were in it for the money etc... and then when I have been in hospital, she's just sort of ignored it, or made threats that if police and ambulance were involved I'd be kicked out of home...

I just... it's just how things are I guess...


Doesn't make it hurt any less though

[Wiseowl]

[QUOTE=razza;471544]Just some of the highlights of what has been said about me today...

It sounds like that support group wants to discuss mental illness with all the bad/distressing things taken out. It's clear when you post on here that you are in no way triggering anything or encouraging others to copy you. If anyone shouldn't be working in mental health/supporting sufferers it's them. Discussing mental illness means being open minded and prepared for anything because everyone has different problems/ways of coping. It doesn't sound like good place to go for support maybe stick to this place instead.

[Wiseowl]

I think you should tell your tutor the full story (as much as you feel comfortable disclosing). I've found either he/she will be
a) ignorant about mental illness and not helpful. Patronising and flippant. (One psychology lecturer once gave me a self help book by a catholic monk, when I made an appeal for help. In the words of morrisey 'I can smile about it now, but at the time it was terrible'.
or
b) understanding, helpful. Shocked at what you are dealing with and want to give you as much breathing space regarding assignments/assessments as possible

Either way you don't lose anything. But you might gain some support and help.

You would make a good psychologist and from your experiences that is needed where you live.

[loulabelle]

parents they all react dufferently mine after i took an od they were very much rhere to support me even wanted me to go home but since then my dad refuses to afmitt there is even a problem when i was under crisis team.in jan he kept saying i didnt need then that i just needed to pull my.socks up and get on with it said he wouldnt visit me in hosp !!!!!

some parents are.good others not

keep strong hunni x