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    Thread: Can't Stop Crying

    1. #1
      Senior Member prairiechick's Avatar
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      Default Can't Stop Crying

      I am in the middle of composing a letter that I will read to the priest from my church who is getting divorced. I am having a meeting with him and another pastoral staff person after church tomorrow. I'm not going for the service, just going to show up in time for the meeting. I just want this to be over and done with. I've been better (most of the time) not going to church, but this meeting is really dragging things up to the surface again. This is the last meeting, and I am done with church. It is more damaging to me to keep going, so I am done. I don't know where I'm at with God and Christianity anymore. I dread being with my family for a few days in July because I have no idea how they will react to me. Probably my nieces and nephews will be praying for my soul, that I won't be lost and going to hell. My oldest niece will probably take it pretty hard, because she really likes me and looks up to me, but I just can't do this anymore. I dread Christmas even more. I feel like total crap right now.
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      Founding Member daffy's Avatar
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      Sorry your feeling so bad spunkygirl. Im not quite sure if its you thats getting divorced (sorry for being so thick) but i cant quite get my head round why you will be reading your letter to a priest. Im not overly religious so am not sure what the protocol is, but divorce is a particularly stressful thing for anyone to go thru. I got divorced 20 years ago and it took a long time to come to terms with it.
      Im sure your family will come to terms with your predicament but you must explain your side and let them accept why this has happened, I dont know if you have children but im of the opinion its better to have parents seperate and happy rather than be together and live a nightmare. My children realised quite quickly how the atmosphere at home improved after my divorce.
      Never fear shadows, they simply mean
      theres a light shining somewhere nearby

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      Senior Member prairiechick's Avatar
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      Without going into a lot of detail, this priest who is getting divorced has been married for 30 years. He has been like a dad and a mentor to me, and the way he has gone about things has been very hurtful. There are a lot of different reasons people get divorced, and I'm not saying that you did the wrong thing. It's just this particular situation and the way my church (which isn't really my church anymore, I guess) has been handling the whole situation. I was forced into silence for 6-7 months about the whole thing, which didn't go over well with me because I've been forced to not talk about things in the past by my family, and it had a very negative impact on my mental health to not even be able to talk to a support person. I have some things I need to say to this priest, because I have in some way felt betrayed by him due to the way he has handled this situation. I know it all sounds vague, but trust me, there is a lot more that could be said, but can't be said online where potentially thousands of people could read it.

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      I don't know how you might feel about what I am going to say, Okay?
      My mother is of a fundamentalist and rather simplistic faith and is truly not capable of theological complexities.
      BUT, she suffers from worry, anxiety and loss of sleep worrying about the eternal damnation of us children. She is up in years. I am loathe to add to her worry and burden.
      I think of the Pentecost where each were spoken to in their own language.
      My desire is to ease my mother's fears and reduce her suffering, I find it the loving thing to do,
      so, talk to her in the language of Christianese. It comforts her greatly and I do not find it false, nor a betrayal of myself.
      Some must be fed milk and others meat.
      I save the metaphysicsal and the complex for those who can handle it.
      I am not put in this position often...but I will attend services with them on those rare occassions to honor them and because it means so much to them and pleases them.
      To me, that is being charitable.
      Knowing my motives, I don't feel hypocritical.
      It is unrealistic to expect them to understand me. They aren't capable. Once I accept this, I am more at peace.
      Thankfully, you and I both live a long distance from our families. WHEW!
      I have instated strong boundaries too...and let me tell you, I first started re-training my mother on how she could and could not relate to me when I was just a couple years younger than you....it has taken me over 15 years to re-train her, but I am very very glad I did.
      I am guessing your niece is too young to understand as well.
      Can you relate to her at her level of need and maturity???
      evil grin, often the only thing to get through to her was aversion therapy.
      Each Small Candle Lights A Corner Of The Dark.....Roger Waters

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      I should clarify.....it was my mother whom I was retraining...not a young person.
      Each Small Candle Lights A Corner Of The Dark.....Roger Waters

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