I am in the middle of composing a letter that I will read to the priest from my church who is getting divorced. I am having a meeting with him and another pastoral staff person after church tomorrow. I'm not going for the service, just going to show up in time for the meeting. I just want this to be over and done with. I've been better (most of the time) not going to church, but this meeting is really dragging things up to the surface again. This is the last meeting, and I am done with church. It is more damaging to me to keep going, so I am done. I don't know where I'm at with God and Christianity anymore. I dread being with my family for a few days in July because I have no idea how they will react to me. Probably my nieces and nephews will be praying for my soul, that I won't be lost and going to hell. My oldest niece will probably take it pretty hard, because she really likes me and looks up to me, but I just can't do this anymore. I dread Christmas even more. I feel like total crap right now.