My mom and dad divorced 13 years ago, and since then, my mom has been married twice and my dad has been in a non-marriage relationship with the same woman for 9 years, and he obviously is not happy. My mom has a ton of anxiety like me, but unlike me, she does not understand it because she has not been in a single therapy session for eight years at least, and so she isn't even aware it's a problem when she has episodes.
To be frank and quite honest, they hate eachother still. No, this isn't an overstatement...they only ever have negative things to say about each other, and they constantly put me and my sister (I'm 23 and she's 21) in their issues and we inevitably become the 'difficult children'. To make things worse, my parents are both enabled by their partners: my stepfather (bless his heart, he's such a sweet man and he really loves mom) feeds mom's anxiety by never pointing it out and instead asking others not to do whatever it is that freaks mom out. My dad's fiancee constantly reminds him mom is crazy and keeps the fire burning.
And before anyone asks, I have tried and tried and tried to get them to stop their immature bickering. As soon as I do, they re-light their fire by saying things like 'well, if your mother was more sane...' and 'why are you talking to me? your father is the wrong one!', and I am pulled into another argument.
This will sound cold, and I'm really not sorry if it does because it's exactly how I fee, but I really couldn't give a damn about their disdain for each other at this point. Me and my sister are trying to be somewhat productive with ourselves, and we are pulled into stress and chaos by this along the way. My sister is now suffering from really bad anxiety that she has kept at bay for years, and I am just exhausted and angry.
My sister's married and she is in college about to get an MA in Family Counseling, while I am still trying to find what works with me while finally coming to terms with my being gay. Both of our lives are going in circles because our folks are inevitably heavily involved (that's just how my family is) and, naturally, everything bad comes with it.
And one reason I'm posting is because I"m tired of getting into these things, getting stressed/angry/disappointed/offended, and saying things I regret that make the whole conflict essentially my responsibility. I'm a good person and a good communicator, but I have a boiling point- although it is somewhat lower than those of others because I am still doing a lot of work. It makes me feel like a bad person whenever this happens and I find myself needing to remind me that it takes two to tango.
I am at home for a while because I recently left college. Mom was hospitable enough to provide me shelter long enough to find a job and get my own place (about a year). Aside from this, my failure in college and my history of wrongdoings make me feel like I have absolutely no place to address this or even have a problem with it.
But, I am proud of the progress I have made in therapy in the last two years (it has been tremendous), and the thought of regressing - again - just gives me chills and sadness. I do not want this to happen at this point, and I need a healthy and satisfying solution to everything. Thanks for your advice...