I didn't have a great night either... Did my usual, was tired in the evening and then by 10pm was wide, wide awake. Forced myself to go to bed finally about 2am, but wanted to stay up later. Hubby has gently told me off this morning! I know which way this path leads, but feel kind of helpless not to follow it right now...
Relaxation techniques! My crisis team used to go on to me about that when I was in a mixed episode last year - hard to explain to someone it's difficult enough just sitting down never mind 'relaxing' and the idea of actually closing your eyes fills you with dread because the invisible people in your house will get you if you do! There was no way I could have imagined myself in a lovely garden or on a beach or whatever. Even the breathing exercises were hard!
I guess I understand your doctor's rationale, but if you're taking painkillers and nytol already to try to sleep I don't see how something better and more sensible wouldn't be a preferred option. They could give you zopiclone prescribed daily if they wanted to - they did for me for several days when I was at my worst and suicidal. A few nights' sleep can make a massive amount of difference.
Your tutors sound brilliant. I think, sadly, it is probably best you went off your placement for now But at least you have been told they'll help you to get through and qualify. I guess though once you are in a TA job, you will have to watch yourself like a hawk for early warning signs. You don't want the Child Protection Officer to have to intervene when you are employed, you would have to manage your lifestyle really carefully to try and avoid symptoms and take yourself off sick before it becomes an issue. That's really difficult for me, particularly with my highs, I just become obsessive about work and tend to ignore almost everything else. Luckily my bosses are good and know about my MH problems.
Have you been diagnosed properly and do you take any long-term meds (e.g. mood stabilisers)? I know it can take a while - for me, it took 15-20 years to get into the system and it to be recognised there was an issue, and then nearly a year for them to come back with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.
I think you're doing really well with your distraction techniques by the way. It must be difficult, but keep going. Just stay safe, keep adding to the list and doing stuff. Glad you're still with us this morning x