Why me??

[anagrl21]

I am sorry to complain and I know most people don't want to hear but I have to get it off my chest and since you guys don't know me this might be easier... I don't get y I had to have this eating disorder I know I did this to myself but why me? Y couldn't I have more self confidence? Why couldn't i see that I was beautiful like people said, ? Y did I hate myself when guys hit on me? I hated who I was and I hate who i am now, I'm lost I have a wonderful husband who is so patient with me but i am so mean to him and I just feel awful. I really wish I could just disappear and he could find someone who treats him right. Same with my family I'm just so aunrey all the time. The guilt of spending 40 dollars a day on food I'm gonna throw up is killing me knowing my husband is working his ass off. :_( I am starting a strict 150 calorie diet tmro and I know I can do it just have to start smoking again. I just wish this didn't have to happen to me why coulnt I find a healthier way to cope instead of cutting and purging? I don't wanna be like this anymore I wanna b healthy my husband and I want a baby but doctor says I'm not healthy and I know that just wish I was.

[wendolene26]

Please don't apologise for complaining. This forum is the ideal place to vent our feelings and get things off our chest. I have never had any issues with eating disorders myself, but I would strongly suggest to you that limiting yourself to 150 calories per day will seriously harm your body certainly in the short term and possibly in the long term too. Have you spoken to your GP about your eating disorder? If you haven't I would say that's a good place to start. They should be able to refer you to a dietician or an eating disorder therapist who will be able to help you work through your issues and make a plan for getting back on a healthy eating track. I am not trying to suggest that this will be easy, but you have made the first step by writing it down here so well done for that.

Take Care Now,

Wendolene x

[anagrl21]

Yes, I have tried many therapist and I have a doctor who is awesome and I talk to her. I have to see her monthly because of a suicide attempt in Oct. The thing I guess with therapy is I feel retarded most the time and like they just don't get it or understand what I'm saying. Ya know? I have struggled for 6 years now so I feel like its just such a part if me. I'm scared to let it go but at the same time I don't want it.