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I feel silly...
I feel really silly posting this because nothing that bad has happened in my life (parents together, no abuse, etc). In fact the only thing that sets my childhood/adolescence apart from a "perfect" one is probably that we moved around a lot until I turned 10. I have lived in Canada since I was 10 and I am now 18.
Alright so this past summer in late June, my family moved to the USA (from Canada) and I moved with them. However I came back in late August for university (I live in Canada again now). So I was in the States for about 2 months. And in that time I started to do things that were a far cry from my normal behaviour (before we moved). I started to hide under my bed, lock myself in my room for long periods of time (except to "heed nature's call"), and I slept around 14-16 hours per day and during my "waking hours", I would usually take naps... so I was sleeping a lot more than usual. I would also cry whenever I was sure no one would see me but I made sure my parents didn't notice that (that's why I locked myself in my room) and I also gained about 7 lbs in those 2 months because I was eating all kinds of crap constantly. Actually basically anything, even though I knew it was bad for me, and I ate food I wouldn't normally eat. But I ate it at night so I wouldn't have to make prolonged contact with anyone in my family (mom, dad, brother) to get food. I also wouldn't go outside very much, mainly because there was nowhere to go that I knew of. Not to mention I kind of slept through the whole day. I can drive but I don't have a car (and I didn't then). Where my parents live in Michigan is not like here, there is no public transit over there, and we live too far from anything to be able to walk, and according to my mom it isn't safe for a girl to walk around alone. So I stayed home a lot, and most of the time I was only awake at night, and even then I'd just mostly sleep on the couch or lie in bed in my room. My favourite hobby before I moved was probably web page design or blogging, as lame as that sounds, but I noticed my blog count from July and August is way down. Usually I write over 20 blogs per month and in those months I made 5 blogs combined. I actually just noticed that yesterday.
My dad started to yell at me and stuff asking me why I couldn't be normal, what was wrong with me, etc and he blamed himself saying that is there something I want that we can't afford and that's why I'm upset. He also said it was because he was spending more time with my bro and that I was jealous about that... but neither of those were true... not even remotely so. My brother had basketball games so my parents went to watch almost all of them but that had nothing to do with anything...
My mom realized that I wasn't "feeling at home" or something so she made my dad take me to Ikea to get some shelf for my room. He kept saying "this is your home now, you live here now, forget about where you used to live" and stuff like that (I'm not exactly quoting here). I think that was really rubbing salt into the wound because I realize now that that is the reason I was so upset is that I wanted to come back here the whole time I was over there and my mom knew that I think but she didn't tell my dad because if she did he would probably freak out at me and try to take me to the hospital (he did that once too but when they called me I said I had an ear infection and they gave me some drops. I actually had some redness in my ear though).
Anyway the point is that they are making me go back to Michigan for 2 weeks+ this winter and I don't want to go because I know I'm going to be miserable again like I was last time and I won't be able to see the 3 real friends that I actually do have and my dad will keep yelling at me and I'm scared he will take me to the hospital again if I go back. But I have nowhere to go here because this residence closes down over the winter break so I don't want to waste a lot of money finding somewhere to live but I can stay with a friend only for 2 days and the other 2 friends are in the same situation as me except their home is too far to go back for 2 weeks it's not that they don't want to go back. I know you can't help me with finding accomodation around here because you don't know where I live but since it's likely at this point that I won't be able to evade going back to the States... my question is... How can I keep myself "normal" over there? Thanks.
P.S. One of my friends suggested I join a club in Michigan but I can't because we aren't permanent residents over there and I have no state ID so they won't let me... I tried that already, because my mom made me, she was trying to get me into a self defence program... which was with good intentions but it didn't work because of the ID problem.
Thanks.
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Originally Posted by Dollit
