• Register To Comment
    Results 1 to 7 of 7

    Thread: Options for moving out of family home asap with little money?

    1. #1
      Member lost's Avatar
      Join Date
      Jun 2008
      Location
      North Worcestershire
      Posts
      28
      My Mood
      Brooding

      Default Options for moving out of family home asap with little money?

      Hello,

      I'm 32, have been living with my parents and brothers all my life, and have a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia, for which I take medication willingly.

      My problem is I hate living here and always have done, since my teens anyway. At 32 the situation is getting silly; I'm getting regular suicidal thoughts just because it seems I'll never get away from my family. On the rare occasions when I have the house to myself for a few days/weeks I am never happier. My parents have always been overbearing, critical sorts who want me to do everything on their terms; one brother is heavily into the drug scene (I am scared of the times when parents go away and he throws parties) and has recently started inexplicably fitting (not epilepsy according to a scan - the drugs?); the other brother is a little like me mentally but refuses all help. I'm tired of years of stress because of all this and need space. My dad has money and has stated he will help, but only some time after I stay in stable employment. I think I'll only acheive any level of stability when independent on my own terms. For the same reason I don't really want his money anyway. And I hate the local area - West Midlands. Ideally I'd start anew somewhere else in the UK/Europe (I speak French and Spanish near-fluently).

      What are my options? I've heard the council list is a ridiculously long wait. I've recently lost a DLA claim (currently trying to appeal) so am not registered disabled, therefore would not be a priority? What about hostels? Hitting the streets, declaring myself homeless and getting put up in a B&B? I should have a psychiatrist appointment coming up soon (waiting to hear about a new Doc); is there anything I can get them to do? Ask to be refferred to a social worker?

      The situation is stupid. My parents are millionaires but I've never had any savings and have been overdrawn for the last ten years. With just 1000 in credit I could get set up in a flat and get the rent paid for while on JSA/ESA until I find a suitable job. My dad spends three times that at least on his regular holidays abroad.. Bastard has private healthcare for everything that goes wrong with him yet has put me through the NHS from the start for my motherfucking schizophrenia.. Aaarrggghhh

    2. #2
      Apotheosis
      Guest

      Default

      I think that I replied in detail to another thread you started - so I won't repeat the same things. Yea - Bite the bullet - Move out...

    3. #3
      Member lost's Avatar
      Join Date
      Jun 2008
      Location
      North Worcestershire
      Posts
      28
      My Mood
      Brooding

      Default

      But how?? I really have no clue how to go about it other than living on the streets. Extended family/friends wont help I know (I think you suggested that).

    4. #4
      Member lost's Avatar
      Join Date
      Jun 2008
      Location
      North Worcestershire
      Posts
      28
      My Mood
      Brooding

      Default

      There's also the problem that with any efforts to move out I'll probably be bullied/guilt-tripped into staying, or I just wont have the balls to leave the creature comforts here at home, so this whole thread is pretty useless. Might well disappear soon. I do have a history of posting repetitive stuff on another American message board that I no longer use because people hate me there.

      I'll leave this up for a while in case anyone has some constructive ideas but should probably know better than to frequent message boards these days.

    5. #5
      Apotheosis
      Guest

      Default

      Quote Originally Posted by lost View Post
      But how?? I really have no clue how to go about it other than living on the streets. Extended family/friends wont help I know (I think you suggested that).
      I suggested a lot -

      http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/for...678#post226678

      You may be well enough to be in part time work? But that doesn't rule out help from the system. There are options when you look into things. Everyone's circumstances are different. There are rent deposit schemes, single occupancy benefit, working tax credits, loans, grants, charities - all kinds of stuff that can potentially help....For people like us; the ideal is housing association & council properties - Mainly because of the fact of cheaper rent; & more secure tenancy.

      As hard as it is sometimes; there are options; there are ways of moving on, & there is some help & opportunities out there. Years ago I lived in sheltered accommodation for 3 years - not ideal; but as a stepping stone it helped at the time.

      That may be an option for you? Even if it's outside of the local area? Stonham housing association & the Richmond Fellowship are 2 organisations that may be able to help? & I'm sure that there are others.

      Use what resources & access to services that you have. Make a plan - ask for help; & enlist the help of the people around you.
      How much do you pay your parents in rent each week? Do you buy all your own food? Are you still smoking pot?

      If your Father will offer financial support if you move out & get a job then I'd personally do everything to achieve that aim - whatever it takes; even if it's some part time job to begin with.

      Part of the issue is that the responsibility for your welfare has mainly been taken by your family - If you didn't have this then you'd have got more support from services - It was partly the issue I had too at certain times in the past - If a 'mental patient' can be palmed off on family; then the system will be quite happy to do that.

      You have the money for a deposit & first months rent on a bedsit - & the council will pay; you need to fill in the relevant forms. That's how I started off when I sought more independence 10 years ago; & at the time I was on basic JSA/ESA equivalent/income support.

      I'd suggest; with hindsight - looking at private adds for cheap studio flats & bedsits; & keeping costs low - look for somewhere as dry, secure, & quiet as possible. don't go beyond the basics that you need - a few bits of kitchen stuff to prepare & cook a meal; some bedding etc. You don't need loads of stuff; travel light. It's a stepping stone - you can always move on at some stage. You could always lodge too; that's another option - I've done that in the past as well.

      If you feel brave enough then go to another area & register with the housing & welfare officer - stay in a night shelter or B&B until they house you - & claim your status as NFA (no fixed abode) - You'll be on a priority list. Make a plan & follow it through.

      Alternatively become a WWOOF'er

      http://www.wwoof.org.uk/

      I'm sure that there are some people who live just doing that. There are others that go travelling around the country, Europe & the World with just about the clothes that they stand up in.

      I realise that the 'condition' effects things - but only you can honestly answer how severely & in what ways your effected by it all? & then take responsibility to adapt, deal & cope as best as you can with it all. We have to be personally responsible to manage our condition as best that we can. & ask for help when we need it.

      I disagree that you'll get no help from family friends & other people. If family was helping in no way; then you'd have been made homeless at 16 & left to fend for yourself.
      I'm sure that your Father cares - & if he saw that you'd really focused on your own path; standing on your own feet & doing your best to live independently - then I'm sure that you'd find a totally different attitude from him, & totally different relationship would develop. TBH; with his money or not (& I don't know the full story) - I'd be totally exasperated with the entire situation if I was him; I'd likely leave you all a small 2 or 3 bedroom flat; a small trust fund - & then leave the country.

      Look - I'm not having a go - I'm trying to help. It doesn't matter if things go tits up; & you'll make mistakes, come across problems & difficulties & have all kinds of shit to deal with; & that is how we learn & grow - Life is about ploughing through the shit; being confronted with problems & difficulties & dealing with them - But for gods sake; it's got to be better than staying in your current situation? If it all goes horribly wrong then there are always options. It's your life - your choices. God helps those that help themselves - nothing ventured.....nothing gained; as they say.

      Your 32! - Do you still want to be living at your parents home when your 50?

      I hope that you decide - & more importantly to actually take concrete action to make changes here & do something about your situation. Mental Illness or not - your wasting your life; to be blunt.
      Last edited by Apotheosis; 10-05-11 at 17:23.

    6. #6
      Senior Member Gledge's Avatar
      Join Date
      Mar 2011
      Posts
      695

      Default

      Hey don't need to be self critical. Okay you repeat yourself and go round in circles. So what? You're by no means the only person who does it, I know I do. At least you've signed on here and put up the post to try and make an effort to change. Unlike Apotheosis, I haven't read your previous post, but he might be right about biting the bullet. If you show them you're serious about moving out and getting some independence your dad might change his mind and at least help you out in gettting started.

      What's your idea of a "suitable job" have you tried applying. Would he consider helping set you up if you once you've been offered a job that you're pretty sure you'll be happy with?

    7. #7
      Apotheosis
      Guest

      Default

      Quote Originally Posted by Gledge View Post
      Unlike Apotheosis, I haven't read your previous post,
      "So I turned 30 last year. I'm still living with my parents, something I personally don't enjoy at all." - lost - posted the beginning of 2009.

      http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/for...2021#post52021

      & - http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/for...-forum-existed

      I'm not being judgemental Lost - I've made many mistakes as well; & I'm also in a predicament. I have been able to live indpenedantly for the past 10 years & for other periods of time before then - & if I can do it then you can too.

      But I don't think it's what you really want - I think that you'll talk yourself out of anything that fundamentally changes the situation that your in. & I also know that change is hard. Why stress & bother about all this? Put your feet up & wait for the time that you get the inheritance? Why bother trying to change the situation? You must know that people live independantly (mental illness or not) - because that's what responsible adults do in this society. But if it's all too much - then I really don't think there's any point is bothering to procrastinate & bemoan the whole thing - enjoy what you have, live for the moment & go with the flow :-)

    Register To Comment

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •