I don't know if this is OCD or not, which is why I'm posting it here. I'm hoping somebody can tell me if it is.
Okay, so, I've been diagnosed with some other mental illnesses (bipolar, mild borderline schizophrenia, some type of personality disorder, etc), but the one problem I have been struggling with all my life is a phobia of being contaminated with germs when I attempt basic house cleaning duties.
Sometimes I'm able to force myself to do a few things, but the progress is slow, difficult & short-lived. For instance: about an hour ago, I tried to clean my very dirty countertop with a Lysol wet-wipe. I could feel the debris through the wipe, and I immediately became disgusted and had to stop.
Basically, my daily life consists of trying to live around the dirt; I never go barefoot in the house, I only use disposable plates and cutlery, I wear flip-flops in the shower, etc.
Germs aren't the only thing holding me back, though. I also suffer from extreme confusion; not knowing what to do first. I have specific rules about how the house should be cleaned (eg. bleach used everywhere until everything is spotless) that are so stringent, I cannot accomplish the task. There is an all or nothing mentality; it should be perfect or it's not worth the effort ("do it right or don't do it at all" is one of my life philosophies).
Yet another piece in this elaborate puzzle is my disgust at the idea of soiling my cleaning tools, especially if they are new. I bought a new mop, a few weeks ago, and was very upset at the idea of 'ruining' it on these filthy floors. It's one of those very nice O-cedar roller mops, and I thought the pretty blue sponge was too nice to 'destroy' by using it on the filthy kitchen floor. I managed to use it in another room, but I can't help feeling it's been 'ruined' somehow. I have this problem will all new cleaning tools. It's very frustrating.
Lastly, I believe I have a mild hoarding problem. I tend to collect boxes & plastic baggies. However, much of my stuff are things I simply don't know what to do with. I'm just very confused, most of the time. I don't have very good organizational skills, and my quality of life suffers because of this.
Anyhow, it felt good to talk about this. It's always very hard for women to admit such a problem, as our sexist society looks down upon us when we're untidy. A man can live in a virtual garbage dump, and few will think less of him for it (if anything, they will pity him), but women are not allowed to be messy; it draws the ire of many.
Hopefully, somebody can tell me if this sounds like OCD or not. Thanks in advance.