Need to talk

[notsure]

Hey all, I recently joined this forum because I have realized I am deeply depressed and not sure what to do about it. I went away over the long weekend and I can't stop thinking about how happy I should have been with my partner and kids and instead spent the first day and night locked in my car crying my eyes out. I started an argument with my fiancée again over some trivial issue from his past that has nothing to do with me and ignored my kids leaving them to do their own thing and wonder why I was in the car crying my eyes out. My partner has assured me that be loves me and wants to help me and my kids keep asking if I am ok and that "its ok if I'm upset" but I just can't be happy. All I want to do is think about the worst things in my life, my past, my partners past, every mistake I have ever made, the fact that my family don't talk to me anymore- anything that upsets me. The same old thing happens, the next day I get up feeling absolutely lifeless my head is hurting and I feel like being sick because once again I have ruined everyones night. I just can't get over things or move on and I need to know that there is something I can do about it because right now I think everyone- my partner, my kids, will be better off without me. I am just bringing everyone down and it's killing me. I feel that the more and more I fall down I'm bringing them with me. I hope someone knows what I'm talking about.

[maxitab]

Hi notsure and to the forum....

Yes, I think quite a few of us know this negativity of mind.......you seem quite consumed by the past and if you are looking for a resolution than I think it would be reasonable to take that as a possible direction. My suggestion would be to find a really good counsellor/Therapist and work through resolving the incidents one by one....
I am afraid I know very little about the health care system in Australia (I know more about NZ and not much at that).
You might also want to try a mild antidepressant in the meanwhile - but that is your choice and I know some people don't want medication.

There is one more thing - thoughts are just that, they are thoughts, they are sometimes not a very reliable guide to action, and in the same way that you can think 'oh look, that pigeon just shat on that guy' and go on your way without following that thought and having it preoccupy you, so you can with these thoughts too. It is slightly harder work, but CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) is a good way of learning how to do this if you don't want to go raking up disturbing stuff from the past.....

[BORTU]

Hi notsure, yes we understand. Been there, done that. Just keep posting.

[baby_dolly_face]

Hi notsure
I know this well actually because I went through a horrendous period of time doing this....going over things from my partners past (he is older than me and has 6 children) and getting incredibly unsure and sensitive and about stuff that we had discussed over and over again and that hadnt bothered me in the past. Its devisive and upset him a lot even though he was being incredibly supportive and loving and allowing me to ask all the questions I wanted to (this was hard for him as his past relationship was inredibly abusive so for him to talk about it was very painful) I remember spending hours and days and weeks trying to unpick things he told me in the past and trying to trip me up and for why? I have no idea, but one day I realised (and it followed a long conversation with my husband) that if i carried on with this any more I was going to risk losing my him and my children. slowly I started trying to thought block which altho I havent done any CBT, I do have a book and I am about to embark on a course of CBT at the end of the month. It was a slow process and I am still dealing with it...truth is I dont think it ever truly goes away, you just get better adept at pushing it away and seeing it for what it is, but when I am really down or anxious, it comes back all the more prominently.
Keep posting. I have found it to be very helpful.
x

[aussie]

Hi Notsure,
I am an Australian also, sorry to hear your going through this. I think you would benefit from counselling . I have been out of therapy for a while now but my GP refered me to a Psychiatrist who set me up with a Phycologist . At the time this gave me 6 free counselling sessions covered by medicare so I would sugest talking to your GP first.
I hope this helps.

[flyingbluebird]

i am going through something similar to this at the moment. although my diagnosis is BPD (Borderline Personality) a lot of my problems seem to be trauma induced and i feel i need to speak to someone who understands

[maxitab]

Hi FBB....where in the south west are you? I am in North Devon but I know lots about what is available where and how to get help....

Have you had any therapy? What has been offered and has it helped?