Talking to the mirror.

[bullybeef]

Hi,

just wondering if anyone else has conversations with the mirror? If I'm feeling emotional in any way, I find myself having coversations with myself. Usually it is negative talk or telling someone what is on my mind. It's a way of off loading how annoyed I am at another person without actually offending them.
This always happens when I'm feeling vunerable and could not cope with a negative response from the other person.

[cloudberry]

I do it, yes. I see it as you do as a "soft" way of unloading. Not telling the actual person, not hurting them. I am aware that it is due to being unassertive as they say. But it is also quite self validating. And in my case I also have found it a good way of getting my confidence up to actually DO IT. As in, rehearsing in front of a mirror I suppose.

I never found it harmful to myself. In fact, it can be a very healthy way of coping IMHO!

[amathus]

Hi, yes I too am forever having conversations with myself, sometimes it goes on endlessly, it actually gets me very wound up.
I find it happens more when I've got into a situation that I have handled negatively or badly as I see it, and I re-live conversations
as I would want them to happen

I don't like looking at myself in the mirror.


qf.

[Ainsworth]

Hi, yes I too am forever having conversations with myself, sometimes it goes on endlessly, it actually gets me very wound up.
I find it happens more when I've got into a situation that I have handled negatively or badly as I see it, and I re-live conversations
as I would want them to happen

I don't like looking at myself in the mirror.


qf.

this is one of the most annoying things about BPD, going over and over the things we do/say, even things that we shouldnt even care about, its drives me crazier

[maxitab]

I used to do it endlessly too, but have found the 'calm mind' technique from Mindfulness has pretty much sent it packing......endless relief.....

[amathus]

I used to do it endlessly too, but have found the 'calm mind' technique from Mindfulness has pretty much sent it packing......endless relief.....

Must look into that, can you give any further information on that maxitab please.

[dreambuggieII]

i drew and cut the shape of a human once -- started to talk to it and then turned it into a collage -- I needed to talk to someone or something. I find a the mirror a bit cruel - I'm always too hard on myself.

The paper cutout -- had me yapping for around 2 days -- on and off.

I think I binned it without a thought -- but glad that the emtions had time to air themselves rather then become a walking time bomb

[maxitab]

Quiet Mind. I learned this as part of Mindfulness in DBT. You start off doing it at home untill you progress to being able to enter the state any time anywhere.....

First you need a quiet space/time. Start with short sessions ( 5 min) untill you can sit for longer....no phone on, all technology off, no music, TV etc playing...
Get comfortable but with your spine in alignment. Close your eyes.
Notice your thoughts.....no analysis, comparing, inner dialogue, just notice their presence. Every time you notice you are analysing, thinking about the thought or responding to it inside you, go back to observing. That's it.




Yes, I do mean it, it is as simple as that......however, how long can you simply observe. How many seconds does it take for a response to pop up....not many at the begining, I know it.
But when you notice you have stopped observing, you just start again (No negative self talk!).
You go on and on and on, pulling your attention back to being an observer rather than a partaker.
Increase the time by a minute a week.......
See if you can do it while doing the washing up.......while waiting at a traffic light (er, open your eyes for these ones!!!!)
Sit with the cat on your lap, or your child. or practise together whilst holding a loved one.....
If you start to notice things about your thoughts, tuck that away, it is useful insight. but go back to simply observing......



The other bit......

There are two aspects to mindfulness. The second is Being In The Now.

At first it seems to be the total opposite of the above, but in essence it is the same. This will also bring Quiet Mind as an automatic......
Sit down as above, but with a raisin/nut/sultana......
Consider this raisin. Use every sense you can to explore and experience it. Don't eat it yet.......
Smell, touch, texture, feel, look, listen.....finally, you can eat it only when you feel you have explored and experienced it in every way possible way, but take time over the eating too. Feel in your mouth? Nibble it, stroke it with your tongue.....


Okay, now you bring that same intense awareness, focus and experiencing to other things....keep them simple at first.
Make the bed.....slowly. Look, smell, fell, touch everything as you make the bed/do the gardening/change the light bulb.....
Now, start doing it with your feelings.
Well, okay, you can't taste a feeling. That's what I said.......wait, you might be surprised. Can you hear, feel the blood pounding. Are you hot, cold, numb....what does this feeling feel like in all of the different parts of your body......
This is the opposite of what we usually do, which is to resist, distract ourselves from it and do all in our power to end it.
Be careful, I am not saying go ahead an indulge it, that is different to mindfully experiencing it......

In all of this have infinite patience with yourself, do it for short periods only, and don't wait till you are in the grip of the worst anger ever and expect it to work.....practise when you feel yourself smile, when something lifts your heart, as well as when something moves you.