Dealing with insults

[Dufus]

Does anyone have any tips on dealing with being insulted, or even better how to behave so as not to get insulted in the first place !?

I am the type of person that can be self-absorbed, sensitive, self-concscious etc and recognise that sometimes my attitude can be 'not right'. But What really pisses me off though is that if you let this show in public for even one second many times there will be some complete stranger there waiting to call out "weirdo", "d***", "a******", "k***" or whatever, even though you are totally minding your own business and not even glanced at the insulter. It happens in various circumstances, sometimes a bunch of lads together, i can tell they are looking at me, and that makes me even more self conscious, and one of them will call out, in all sorts of other situations too.

It really ruins my days when this happens, and it makes me so angry and upset that I cant get these things out of my mind for days afterwards, trying to run over what i did wrong, could i have changed anything, what i would like to do or say to that person. It is often someone calling behind me back so i cant see who it was, or other times i just freeze when called and try to ignore the comment. This is what i was taught to do as a kid by my parents but i find this a totally weak and pathetic way of dealing with such things, that i habitually do and cannot change.

Sometimes I think yeah i possibly deserved that, other times i havent a clue what i did wrong.

This sort of thing happens every few weeks I suppose. Usually when i am just forgetting about one such incident, then another one will happen.
Anyone have any advice at all please ?

Incase anyone is wondering, Am i sure these incidents are not just voices in my head - yes I am !

[Dufus]

Well thanks for all the replies folks

Anyone care to say anything atall ?

[schizolanza]

People can be cruel.There's probably nothing you can do about it.Ofcourse I dont know exactly what has been happening from your post.
I'm lucky that I'm a big man so dont get too much abuse from yobs etc.If I do then I just ignore it.If they get a reaction then it'll probably get worse.
I can totally understand why this upsets you but dont know what to say to help.

[dreambuggieII]

yo yo yo Dufus

howdy

That's pretty awful to hear that people call out at you and say things like that. It must be very consuming for your mind to know that "the outside world" thinks you are - whatever crap it is they say.

I used to be strongly influenced by what the outside world thought of me. I think its very human for it to influence how you see yourself.

The outside world, could in some circumstances be a popularity barometer for yourself. The preferred destination being fair and lovely.

(a) getting smiles from grannies = a good day = you are fair and lovely

(b) having people taunt and insult you = bad day = you are not fair and lovely.

As I said it must be awful to hear such crap like that. It's very 21st century insensitivity and blatant invasion on someone. Man, it must be like having mud thrown at you in a medieval village. Not kosher and not nice.

I just wanted to say something to you that's been helpful to me, overcome criticism from a myriad of people in my life. Someone once said to me, if you don't respect that persons take on life [v difficult to judge i know from passers by] which is to say their belief system, morality, principles etc why would you believe what they say?

I don't take it on board and to heart anymore, as I don't value them high enough. But saying that, I still have to listen to the diatribes but I bite my tongue. I just hold the peace and walk away. Infact at 40, it's positivity receding :-)

Best of luck dufus, keep trucking.

[Dufus]

People can be cruel.There's probably nothing you can do about it.Ofcourse I dont know exactly what has been happening from your post.
I'm lucky that I'm a big man so dont get too much abuse from yobs etc.If I do then I just ignore it.If they get a reaction then it'll probably get worse.
I can totally understand why this upsets you but dont know what to say to help.

What you have said has helped more than you may realise. Just applying the label "yobs" to them makes it easier to deal with, and also the reminder that its not just me that gets this sort of crap. So thanks !

[Dufus]

. Someone once said to me, if you don't respect that persons take on life [v difficult to judge i know from passers by] which is to say their belief system, morality, principles etc why would you believe what they say?

I don't take it on board and to heart anymore, as I don't value them high enough. .

Thanks for the advice. That is something I will have to work on, "dont let the b****** get you down" and all that.

I guess my problem is because I never really learned to stick up for myself very well at school, and i now think this could haunt me throughout my life, unless I find some way of dealing with it better. It seems to me theres absolutely no way of avoiding it if you live in a big city, many people just are not nice, and you get walked all over if youre not careful. This has a bad effect on confidence.

I realise the sensible thing is not take on a big gang of yobs in the street or something, trying out "assertiveness techniques" on them would not be a good idea, lol, and in that case i should probably just swallow my pride and ignore them, after all I know Im not going to be the Karate kid or Clint Eastwood lol.

But in less extreme circumstances I would like to be more assertive somehow. Maybe its because my self esteem is very rocky at the moment but the 'ignore them' and dont say anything back approach is definately not working for me.

[Twylight]

Hi Dufus

I think everyone with MH issues has to become ' Indestructable '

[Dufus]

Hi Dufus

I think everyone with MH issues has to become ' Indestructable '

Hi yes, I think this sort of thing happens much more to people who seem "different" in any way.

[ramboghettouk]

Get the same feeling wear a MP3 player so i can't hear them, as people were giving me nasty looks on the bus for playing it loud i got some noise rduction sort headphones recently

One women i'm fond off she can turn things round, they can insult her to her face in the pub and she can turn it round and make it a compliment, as one analyst said thats part of her attraction for me

You can also think when someones out to insult you they're quite often saying things that would insult them, it reveals more about them

[schizolanza]

You're right rambo.It says more about them than it does about you.