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    Thread: Why am I so insecure?

    1. #1
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      Default Why am I so insecure?

      I am a successful 30 year old guy with an amazing fiance. However, my feelings are not so amazing.

      Not only am I jealous, I am insecure. My jealousy is minimal, but my feelings that result from it are not. I make up scenarios in my head that my fiance is or will cheat on me. We constantly have arguments about it. We have them to the point that she gets really upset and ends up in tears. I try and tell myself that my fears are a result of past family and marriage problems.

      I create this situation for myself, and for the life of me, I cant figure out how to change my thought process. Logic tells me she is an honest and loving woman; but my twisted mind tells me I cant trust her and she is going to screw me over.

      I know in my heart that she is the best things that has ever happened to me. I truly believe that! But my brain tells me I am being a fool to trust her 100%. And THAT train of thought is what is really causing a problem.

      She tells me she is not leaving me and that she loves me. But my thought process tells me that it is some ploy and I will be hurt in the end.

      I dont understand my own thoughts and cant figure out how to change this. I AM insecure as they come.

      Anyone else feel this way? Anyone recovered from this? Any advice?

    2. #2
      Senior Member SimonB's Avatar
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      Mmm...toxic thoughts....are you seeing a psychotherapist or shrink??
      Even the very wise cannot see all ends.. [Gandalf]

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      Quote Originally Posted by SimonB View Post
      Mmm...toxic thoughts....are you seeing a psychotherapist or shrink??
      Hey Simon,

      No, I am not seeing anyone. Though I probably should at some point, I am not. Im attempting to figure this out myself.

      I read what others on the site have written, and I feel so selfish even talking about my small problems.

      Part of me whats to just snap out of this, though I know it will take serious modification of my thought process to be able to do that.

      Im just a bit lost right now.

    4. #4
      Senior Member SimonB's Avatar
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      Figuring things out yourself is ok so long as you have insight and you learn from the things you identify.

      Key feelings to look for are anxious thoughts the other any paranoia, anxiety and paranoia blind you to the reality...the way how think gets confused and tangled...then you end up in trouble....
      Even the very wise cannot see all ends.. [Gandalf]

    5. #5
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      Default Hi pal

      Quote Originally Posted by EMUSA View Post
      I am a successful 30 year old guy with an amazing fiance. However, my feelings are not so amazing.

      Not only am I jealous, I am insecure. My jealousy is minimal, but my feelings that result from it are not. I make up scenarios in my head that my fiance is or will cheat on me. We constantly have arguments about it. We have them to the point that she gets really upset and ends up in tears. I try and tell myself that my fears are a result of past family and marriage problems.

      I create this situation for myself, and for the life of me, I cant figure out how to change my thought process. Logic tells me she is an honest and loving woman; but my twisted mind tells me I cant trust her and she is going to screw me over.

      I know in my heart that she is the best things that has ever happened to me. I truly believe that! But my brain tells me I am being a fool to trust her 100%. And THAT train of thought is what is really causing a problem.

      She tells me she is not leaving me and that she loves me. But my thought process tells me that it is some ploy and I will be hurt in the end.

      I dont understand my own thoughts and cant figure out how to change this. I AM insecure as they come.

      Anyone else feel this way? Anyone recovered from this? Any advice?

      Hi pal, just to let you know, I am going through a very simlar thing with my partner, not with cheating as much though, rather the feeling she is going to leave me, like I am not good enough for her!?, its horrible, but tomorrow I shall be visiting my local Dr, trust me sir, it does not go away, and you will end up losing the woman you love, I think you should take a giant step and just visit your dr, like me, I have been having the same attitude you have, "i'll try fix this myself" but it has not worked for me, all i want is to get back to my old self and stop these obsurd feelings and thoughts that my brain is giving me!, message back mate, I would like to hear from you, kind regards, jay

    6. #6
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      Question Insecure and Paranoid

      Hi everyone, my name is Jay, i'm 25 from the UK, (just thought I would introduce myself .

      Heres my issue, well for the last year, yeah and a half, I have been paranoid, not about people around me calling me names, just with partners, I have the strongest belief that they are going to leave me, like they are not attracted to me, and occasionally I get feelings they are cheating on me, I lost my last girlfriend to this, and i am with someone now, and its starting to affect my new relationship, I have been honest and told her, she understands and says she loves me and will stick by me, I have decided to visit the Dr this week, I will ring them tomorrow and make an appointment with him, and try and get this sorted, its the most horrible feeling to think your girl is leaving you, or wants to split up, when this is always denied by her and she says I am being silly, i wondered if anyone else here is having the same problem and if their is someone who would like to share an opinion with me, I am very scared, and very worried, please help, kind regards, Jay

    7. #7
      Senior Member angrydad's Avatar
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      EMUSA, I still do this even though I have been married for twenty years and my wife has never cheated on me!! I make up senarios where I come home and find her with someone else. It even got to the point (when I was very manic and very ill) where I was checking her underware for signs of her having sex with someone else.
      best wishes

      Angry Dad
      Furthest from the Sun

    8. #8
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      Default please seek help

      Quote Originally Posted by EMUSA View Post
      I am a successful 30 year old guy with an amazing fiance. However, my feelings are not so amazing.

      Not only am I jealous, I am insecure. My jealousy is minimal, but my feelings that result from it are not. I make up scenarios in my head that my fiance is or will cheat on me. We constantly have arguments about it. We have them to the point that she gets really upset and ends up in tears. I try and tell myself that my fears are a result of past family and marriage problems.

      I create this situation for myself, and for the life of me, I cant figure out how to change my thought process. Logic tells me she is an honest and loving woman; but my twisted mind tells me I cant trust her and she is going to screw me over.

      I know in my heart that she is the best things that has ever happened to me. I truly believe that! But my brain tells me I am being a fool to trust her 100%. And THAT train of thought is what is really causing a problem.

      She tells me she is not leaving me and that she loves me. But my thought process tells me that it is some ploy and I will be hurt in the end.

      I dont understand my own thoughts and cant figure out how to change this. I AM insecure as they come.

      Anyone else feel this way? Anyone recovered from this? Any advice?
      Hi my Husband was so much like you this is how it started no trust ,started accusing me of doing things seeing people ,paroniod, it got worse I didn't understand what was going on, then he started following me around in the car, I found out he was taking time of work and watching the house from down the street to see if I was leaving,this went on and had delusional thoughts for a few years , until he was completely out of reality.I wish I knew then what I know now.Please seek help, and go to the doctors to find out , if you have any mental issuses , you may not, but you need to see someone ,please dont wait any longer , there is good help out there , which can help you to control these thoughts , Ihave been married 36yrs my husband was diagnosed with scizaphrenia,20yrs ago now, in his 30's. My youngest son was diagnosed also with it at 32yrs every condition is different, and you may not have it some poeple can have 1 episode and never get another one,Don't let yourself go like my husband , it will desrtroy your relationship my sons fiance and there little daughter left, He has never had another one he says he carn't trust them, all the best, ginger

    9. #9
      Active Member pinkprincess's Avatar
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      I also suffer from these feelings. I also have depression but I have wild and crazy scenarios in my head that I begin to believe even though I know that they are totally illogical so I can sympathise!
      I just try and reason with myself- which is easier said that done!
      Life is short. Break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly,Love deeply, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.


    10. #10
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      Default Insecurity is eating me alive

      It is good to know I am not the only one feeling insecure. I know my husband isn't cheating on me. We are newlyweds, and had a very quick courtship. One of his ex's is a nude model...and is ridiculously skinny...his other ex works with him...and he is very into porn. Sadly, the most recent rash of porn was him looking at women that are exactly in line with his ex wife. And I am a mess. He treats me wonderfully. Our relationship is good. But I deal with horrendous stress created by myself. Why would he marry me if he dated that thin nude model? How could he be attracted to me if he looks at these women who look nothing like me in porn? And of course his nude model ex was very sexually experimental. And I am so afraid that I will just never match up. Everywhere we go, there are ghosts of these other women. My self-esteem is in the toilette. Honestly, I don't know how to make this better. And it is all in my head. I know it is...It is really depressing to know I have a man who loves me, and I can't seem to believe him, or feel like I will ever be enough for him...

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